OK, so it's been quite a few months. And in that time I've completely gone back to all the old bad habits that I had prior to my health kick at the beginning of the year, because I'd made myself feel so guilty constantly about food.
One thing that I have managed to stick with is staying away from fast food. Aside from one visit to red rooster where I bought 3 nuggets and some chips about a month ago (and then freaked out cause I remembered that I had been so good and wasn't eating fast food), I have not had McDonalds, KFC, Hungry Jacks, Subway, Domino's or Pizza Hut since the 6th of April. And I plan to never go back! Although I may occasionally cave on Domino's (and when I say occasionally, I mean no more than once every couple of months at the most).
So, I'm starting another count down. The 11th of December 2012 is going to be the last time I eat chocolate. I am serious. It's going to be bloody hard, but I'm going to do my utmost to stick to this. I'm also going to think twice about every food choice that I make. If there is no nutritional value to the food, then I'm not eating it. I need to start treating my body better. I don't put diesel fuel into my car because it would kill the engine... This is what I need to remember when it comes to the food I eat.
I've started going back to the gym every morning to do a 45min - 1 hour workout, and will also be taking Maddie for a run each night (if nothing else, I gotta get the energy out of her, she's been thinking that bed time means play time, when all I want to do is fall into bed!).
I refuse to do any challenges or go on any diets per say, although I am watching what I eat and keeping track of calories etc. I am using meal replacement shakes at least once a day, but that is more out of convenience than anything else.
I need to be able to look at my reflection and not want to smash the mirror. Instead, I'm going to work on smashing the fat off this body once and for all. I have a number of things that are happening next year that I am adamant that I will be at least a size 12 for (hopefully a size 10!). September 2013 is a very big month and the starting point of a new adventure, I've got 2 weddings, one of which I am a bridesmaid for, and then I will be embarking on the adventure of a lifetime when I will be packing up or selling everything I own, leaving the dog with her grandparents, and heading to London to work for at least 12 months. So, not only am I saving my ass off, I need to invest in my appearance as well!
So, this is how it is going to be.
No more chocolate, cookies, sugary treats or potato chips. 11th of December 2012 was the last time I am going to allow any of that junk to bring my body down. Christmas is going to be tough but I don't care, I have to stop finding excuses and stick to this!
NO MORE EXCUSES!
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Final week of 12wbt, second week on Ultra Lite
Well, it's been awhile, because I'd started to really get over constantly thinking about my weight, my food choices, the gym was starting to bore me and work had gotten so busy that all I wanted to do was sleep. I've still been weighing in every week and getting the shits with that as well, even though I knew deep down the only reason I wasn't seeing results was because of falling back into all my old habits.
A close friend of mine started working with me and we started going to the gym together after work, we did have one week where we successfully went 4 days in a row, but life just got busy and I kept finding excuses not to go and neither of us worked hard to talk the other out of it.
It all really went down hill when I had my car accident (I was already on the down hill slide but that just ended up pushing me even further downhill). After the whiplash I just found I couldn't find he energy to go to the gym or bootcamp (I really did genuinely have all that stuff on Tina, I promise!
But I probably could have rescheduled some of it if I really wanted to... I've just lost my mojo!).
I decided to do round 3 of the challenge, then I changed my mind, then changed it again, and so on. If they had of given me the opportunity to sign on earlier I would have paid it weeks ago and been locked into it, but they left it too late to let existing people sign up and I was back to not signing up and not wanting to spend more of my hard earned bonus when I needed to pay rego and get lot's of expensive stuff done to my car. But I've realised, challenges aren't for me, cause I psych myself out of them too much. I have learnt a lot of valuable lessons from Michelle Bridges, don't get me wrong, but I had been doing so much better when I was doing my own thing and not putting the pressure on myself, I hadn't had guilty moments before that because I simply wasn't that interested in bad food choices, but as soon as I was on the challenge, everything became forbidden and the self sabotage began.
That being said, my friend and I have started seeing a nutritionist through the clinic at the gym and am currently following the Ultra Lite program, which works to get your body into Ketosis which is the high fat burning phase. And it really works, in my first 3 days I lost 1.6kg! I have also found it so much easier to stya focussed when I have someone doing it along side of me that I see every day.
However I had Italian for dinner on Sunday night and that put my body out of ketosis, and then I caved and had the crackers at work. The first thing I learnt from this was I think I might have a wheat allergy, as I think I have finally found the cause of my unexplained itches every few days that only go away after an antihistamine, cause it hit me Sunday night and again yesterday, but I had not had a single problem before I'd caved and had wheat based products!
However the most important lesson is that I can't keep cheating, which has hit home more than anything on the challenge ever did, because I have someone closely monitoring me, and I have to pee on a strip every morning and night and depending on the colour I can see the effects that a meal has on my body straight away. So next time I go out to dinner, there will be only meat and salad, which they had at the restaurant, but I can't go to an Italian Restaurant without ordering pizza, it's my addiction, so Italian is out for awhile until I've reached my goal weight and have learnt to maintain my weight.
It has made me more accountable than ever, and I want to prove to myself that I can do this!
I'm looking to find a form of fitness that I enjoy, I really need to get back into Zumba so may have to start paying for classes somewhere seeing as my gym has it on at time when only unemployed people, stay at home mums and retirees can go! I'm considering looking into kickboxing as well, but think that will probably hurt my back and give my physio heart failure.
I haven't given up, I've just readjusted my vision!
A close friend of mine started working with me and we started going to the gym together after work, we did have one week where we successfully went 4 days in a row, but life just got busy and I kept finding excuses not to go and neither of us worked hard to talk the other out of it.
It all really went down hill when I had my car accident (I was already on the down hill slide but that just ended up pushing me even further downhill). After the whiplash I just found I couldn't find he energy to go to the gym or bootcamp (I really did genuinely have all that stuff on Tina, I promise!
But I probably could have rescheduled some of it if I really wanted to... I've just lost my mojo!).
I decided to do round 3 of the challenge, then I changed my mind, then changed it again, and so on. If they had of given me the opportunity to sign on earlier I would have paid it weeks ago and been locked into it, but they left it too late to let existing people sign up and I was back to not signing up and not wanting to spend more of my hard earned bonus when I needed to pay rego and get lot's of expensive stuff done to my car. But I've realised, challenges aren't for me, cause I psych myself out of them too much. I have learnt a lot of valuable lessons from Michelle Bridges, don't get me wrong, but I had been doing so much better when I was doing my own thing and not putting the pressure on myself, I hadn't had guilty moments before that because I simply wasn't that interested in bad food choices, but as soon as I was on the challenge, everything became forbidden and the self sabotage began.
That being said, my friend and I have started seeing a nutritionist through the clinic at the gym and am currently following the Ultra Lite program, which works to get your body into Ketosis which is the high fat burning phase. And it really works, in my first 3 days I lost 1.6kg! I have also found it so much easier to stya focussed when I have someone doing it along side of me that I see every day.
However I had Italian for dinner on Sunday night and that put my body out of ketosis, and then I caved and had the crackers at work. The first thing I learnt from this was I think I might have a wheat allergy, as I think I have finally found the cause of my unexplained itches every few days that only go away after an antihistamine, cause it hit me Sunday night and again yesterday, but I had not had a single problem before I'd caved and had wheat based products!
However the most important lesson is that I can't keep cheating, which has hit home more than anything on the challenge ever did, because I have someone closely monitoring me, and I have to pee on a strip every morning and night and depending on the colour I can see the effects that a meal has on my body straight away. So next time I go out to dinner, there will be only meat and salad, which they had at the restaurant, but I can't go to an Italian Restaurant without ordering pizza, it's my addiction, so Italian is out for awhile until I've reached my goal weight and have learnt to maintain my weight.
It has made me more accountable than ever, and I want to prove to myself that I can do this!
I'm looking to find a form of fitness that I enjoy, I really need to get back into Zumba so may have to start paying for classes somewhere seeing as my gym has it on at time when only unemployed people, stay at home mums and retirees can go! I'm considering looking into kickboxing as well, but think that will probably hurt my back and give my physio heart failure.
I haven't given up, I've just readjusted my vision!
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Positive outlook
This week I have a much more positive outlook on life. Or should I say, I am working on having a positive outlook on life. My house mate's last words to me this morning were "things are looking up for us, finances are sorting themselves out, we're both losing weight, from now on, it's onwards and upwards". My immediate pessmimistic thought was "don't say it out loud, you'll jinx it", but then I realised something, that's my problem, I don't say enough positive things out loud, I focus on the negative too much! So, I am turning over a new leaf. It is obviously going to take some work because I'm attempting to change a mind set, but I will do this.
So, we're in week 8 of the challenge. I finally had a decent loss this week of 800g, the highest loss that I've had. Yes, my total loss has been 1.8kg so far, but IT'S STILL A LOSS! Yes, my measurements have gone down by 11.5cm when I've got friends who have lost 40cm, but IT'S STILL A LOSS!!!!!
I need to remember that everyone is at different stages on this journey, I thought I was further along on mine, but when I hear the stories of some of the of the other people doing this challenge, I realise I have so much further to go, and I just need to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. I am giving myself a realistic goal to be at my target of 70kg by Amanda and Sam's wedding next year, as it is my first time being a bridesmaid so I want to look hot (though not as hot as the bride, because Amanda is going to be absolutely stunning!).
I'm working on my mindset for the next four weeks of this challenge. Then the next round I am focussing on my food choices, that is a big thing for me. My problem this round is I tried to change too much, too quick, and my brain couldn't handle it, I got the guilts and just wanted to give up. So the next round is all about focussing on one thing at a time. I'm still going to go to the gym 5 - 6 days a week, but the food is going to be my challenge. Then in the third round I will step up my fitness.
Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day!
So, we're in week 8 of the challenge. I finally had a decent loss this week of 800g, the highest loss that I've had. Yes, my total loss has been 1.8kg so far, but IT'S STILL A LOSS! Yes, my measurements have gone down by 11.5cm when I've got friends who have lost 40cm, but IT'S STILL A LOSS!!!!!
I need to remember that everyone is at different stages on this journey, I thought I was further along on mine, but when I hear the stories of some of the of the other people doing this challenge, I realise I have so much further to go, and I just need to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. I am giving myself a realistic goal to be at my target of 70kg by Amanda and Sam's wedding next year, as it is my first time being a bridesmaid so I want to look hot (though not as hot as the bride, because Amanda is going to be absolutely stunning!).
I'm working on my mindset for the next four weeks of this challenge. Then the next round I am focussing on my food choices, that is a big thing for me. My problem this round is I tried to change too much, too quick, and my brain couldn't handle it, I got the guilts and just wanted to give up. So the next round is all about focussing on one thing at a time. I'm still going to go to the gym 5 - 6 days a week, but the food is going to be my challenge. Then in the third round I will step up my fitness.
Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day!
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Week 7 Update
This week I have barely stuck to the challenge at all due to a number of unforeseen catastrophies that have thrown my life into chaos. I was starting to be over it all anyway, but was working on regaining my focus and intended on sitting down and watching the Michelle Bridges videos to get myself back into the swing of it over the last weekend... This did not end up happening. Let me tell you why.
Friday morning, I'd packed my breakfast and lunch for the day and headed off to work. The roads were a little wet, but I wasn't worried. I was sitting in a line of traffic waiting for lights to change in Albion, minding my own business, when I heard a god-awful screech of tires from behind me, I looked in the review mirror to see a four-wheel drive with a massive bloody bullbar coming right at me... Then I couldn't see anything except the roof of my car because the force that he hit me caused the review mirror to flick up and items in my centre console to go flying.
After dealing with all of this and calming down the poor P Plater who hit me, I realised that my neck was killing me and a headache had already started to develop. I limped my poor crumpled car to work and was set upon by everyone to get myself to the doctors etc. And so started the constant trips to doctors and hospitals that have become my life for the past week. Not all of these visits have been for me, thank goodness, however I have seen enough hospital/doctor/physio waiting rooms in the last 7 days to last me a life time. I'm working limited hours and am spending every afternoon up at the Royal Brisbane Hospital with my sister as she recovers from an emergency operation that she had yesterday, after a long wait in emergency on Monday night.
Now, in all of this, I have lost a lot of sleep and haven't felt even the slightest bit guilty as I have eaten crap from hospital cafeterias, burgers from our local take-away (fresh cooked, not McDonalds, I haven't stooped that low) and have resorted to snacks from the vending machine.
I did still manage to weigh myself for weigh in wednesday yesterday but really couldn't have given a crap about what it said (put on 400g again to be back to only having lost a kilo). I can't work out as I am still suffering from whiplash and I will still be spending a lot of time at the hospital, so I pretty much don't care.
I'll get back into it next week...if life has returned to normal by then!
Friday morning, I'd packed my breakfast and lunch for the day and headed off to work. The roads were a little wet, but I wasn't worried. I was sitting in a line of traffic waiting for lights to change in Albion, minding my own business, when I heard a god-awful screech of tires from behind me, I looked in the review mirror to see a four-wheel drive with a massive bloody bullbar coming right at me... Then I couldn't see anything except the roof of my car because the force that he hit me caused the review mirror to flick up and items in my centre console to go flying.
After dealing with all of this and calming down the poor P Plater who hit me, I realised that my neck was killing me and a headache had already started to develop. I limped my poor crumpled car to work and was set upon by everyone to get myself to the doctors etc. And so started the constant trips to doctors and hospitals that have become my life for the past week. Not all of these visits have been for me, thank goodness, however I have seen enough hospital/doctor/physio waiting rooms in the last 7 days to last me a life time. I'm working limited hours and am spending every afternoon up at the Royal Brisbane Hospital with my sister as she recovers from an emergency operation that she had yesterday, after a long wait in emergency on Monday night.
Now, in all of this, I have lost a lot of sleep and haven't felt even the slightest bit guilty as I have eaten crap from hospital cafeterias, burgers from our local take-away (fresh cooked, not McDonalds, I haven't stooped that low) and have resorted to snacks from the vending machine.
I did still manage to weigh myself for weigh in wednesday yesterday but really couldn't have given a crap about what it said (put on 400g again to be back to only having lost a kilo). I can't work out as I am still suffering from whiplash and I will still be spending a lot of time at the hospital, so I pretty much don't care.
I'll get back into it next week...if life has returned to normal by then!
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Slow decline into bad habits again
From my last blog post, one would think that I had finally kicked my bad habits for good.
But no, the weekend happened, didn't it?
Apparently I can only be good during the week and then weekends happen and I seem to give myself this licence to do whatever I want with food. I regret it afterwards (and I know that while I'm doing it I'll hate myself for it, yet I still do it). Whether it's because I skip my snacks and therefore become starving by dinner time, I don't know, but I really need to work on this. Then Monday came, I did pretty well until dinner time, but because I'd gone home from work early with a killer headache, the four slices of pizza that Karen offered me just seemed so much easier then getting a ready made meal out of the freezer and microwaving it. Then Tuesday rolls around and I stayed in bed all day. I was fairly good, although I again gave in to temptation when Karen offered me turkish bread and dip (although I did leave her to drink the wine alone, I'm doing OK there, thank goodness! Although the massive amounts of painkillers and anti-inflammatories in my system definitely helped me to turn the wine down). Wednesday rolls around, and because the hard boiled eggs I'd taken to work weren't looking so healthy, I had to throw them out, but instead of reaching for the protein shake like I meant to, I went for the crackers... Yep, that's right, the crackers again people... And then my dinner was four slizes of toast with crunchy "light" peant butter (don't forget the light part, that made it totally acceptable... NOT!), yoghurt with berries and then, just cause I felt slightly hungry, the last mini packet of grain waves chips that I had left...
WTF is wrong with me?!
I think I've been trying to lose weight for so long now that I am slowly just getting over it all. Remember, I was attempting to shed the kilos long before I started the Challenge, and I'm getting really over always thinking about food, making myself feel like crap when I don't go to the gym (I haven't been since Thursday, FYI, although I danced on Friday night and took the dog for a massive walk on Sunday, but that's it). I'm tired. I'm over it.
I know I should watch the videos that Michelle Bridges has on the challenge website, but when I'm at home, the last thing I feel like doing is continuing to stare at a computer screen after doing it all week at work. I'd rather stare at the huge TV screen and zone out for a few hours.
I am fully aware that I am making excuses, but the past few days I have been struggling big time. I haven't been up to the gym because of the intense pain in my head (I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep, no doubt because of the fact that I am stressing about food and not losing any weight). And when I do make plans for fun things to do outside, the FREAKING WEATHER squashes my plans, aka the football this week, the past 2 months of trying to get to dancing on a Friday night only to have it pouring rain, a bushwalk this weekend...
I think I'm just in a very bad mood today. Let's see how I go with diet and exercise today!
But no, the weekend happened, didn't it?
Apparently I can only be good during the week and then weekends happen and I seem to give myself this licence to do whatever I want with food. I regret it afterwards (and I know that while I'm doing it I'll hate myself for it, yet I still do it). Whether it's because I skip my snacks and therefore become starving by dinner time, I don't know, but I really need to work on this. Then Monday came, I did pretty well until dinner time, but because I'd gone home from work early with a killer headache, the four slices of pizza that Karen offered me just seemed so much easier then getting a ready made meal out of the freezer and microwaving it. Then Tuesday rolls around and I stayed in bed all day. I was fairly good, although I again gave in to temptation when Karen offered me turkish bread and dip (although I did leave her to drink the wine alone, I'm doing OK there, thank goodness! Although the massive amounts of painkillers and anti-inflammatories in my system definitely helped me to turn the wine down). Wednesday rolls around, and because the hard boiled eggs I'd taken to work weren't looking so healthy, I had to throw them out, but instead of reaching for the protein shake like I meant to, I went for the crackers... Yep, that's right, the crackers again people... And then my dinner was four slizes of toast with crunchy "light" peant butter (don't forget the light part, that made it totally acceptable... NOT!), yoghurt with berries and then, just cause I felt slightly hungry, the last mini packet of grain waves chips that I had left...
WTF is wrong with me?!
I think I've been trying to lose weight for so long now that I am slowly just getting over it all. Remember, I was attempting to shed the kilos long before I started the Challenge, and I'm getting really over always thinking about food, making myself feel like crap when I don't go to the gym (I haven't been since Thursday, FYI, although I danced on Friday night and took the dog for a massive walk on Sunday, but that's it). I'm tired. I'm over it.
I know I should watch the videos that Michelle Bridges has on the challenge website, but when I'm at home, the last thing I feel like doing is continuing to stare at a computer screen after doing it all week at work. I'd rather stare at the huge TV screen and zone out for a few hours.
I am fully aware that I am making excuses, but the past few days I have been struggling big time. I haven't been up to the gym because of the intense pain in my head (I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep, no doubt because of the fact that I am stressing about food and not losing any weight). And when I do make plans for fun things to do outside, the FREAKING WEATHER squashes my plans, aka the football this week, the past 2 months of trying to get to dancing on a Friday night only to have it pouring rain, a bushwalk this weekend...
I think I'm just in a very bad mood today. Let's see how I go with diet and exercise today!
Thursday, 5 July 2012
Food really is the key!
Wow, what a difference 3 days makes!
As I said in my last blog on Tuesday, I recommitted to the food aspect of the challenge this week, after struggling considerably over the past month. My head must be in the right place this time, because I haven't been starving once all week, and have even found that I've had to remind myself to eat a few times. I also haven't touched those damned crackers since the day before I went to Darwin (last Thursday), as I have started eating hummus that I've made myself with carrot sticks as my morning snack, and then having 2 hard boiled eggs cut in half as my afternoon snack to get my protein hit before I go to the gym, both snacks that my body now craves, which is so exciting!
On Weigh in Wednesday, I found that I had gained 200g, which was too be expected after the crap I had been consuming over the past few weeks, I'm actually surprised it wasn't more! I didn't let it get me down as I knew I was on the path lose it again and this time keep it off!
Now, I know that we are only meant to weigh ourselves once a week, but I wanted to see if being good was making a difference, as I hadn't goneto the gym on Wednesday night and really didn't push myself much at all last night (I think I need to change it up a bit as I'm getting bored). Yesterday I weighed myself and I had lost that 200g already (woo!). Then today I weighed myself, expecting not to see a change... boy was I wrong! I had gone from something 4.5 on Wednesday to something 3.8 on Friday! I pretty much danced around the bathroom after weighing myself a second time to make sure I wasn't hallucinating! If I keep this loss up, I'll be done to the next something in a few weeks!
I am so glad I wouldn't allow myself to give up and reminded myself I still had 2 months left on this challenge round, as right now I feel like I could take on the world. Once I get the food under control properly, I will begin to tackle the exercise portion properly, I'm still going to the gym and my group fitness sessions, and come next week I'll be doing a boot camp with my friend Jess twice a week as well, so that may help with my toning days where I struggled with the exercises I was given on the challenge as I didn't know how to modify a few of them with the way my back is at the moment, but right now, my main focus is the food. 3 Days in I'm loving it, and today will be my first test as I have a lunch meeting that is catered and am out to dinner with a friend tonight... actually, the whole weekend will be my first test as I am out for at least 3 meals... But I will do this, as those scales told me that it is all worth it!
As I said in my last blog on Tuesday, I recommitted to the food aspect of the challenge this week, after struggling considerably over the past month. My head must be in the right place this time, because I haven't been starving once all week, and have even found that I've had to remind myself to eat a few times. I also haven't touched those damned crackers since the day before I went to Darwin (last Thursday), as I have started eating hummus that I've made myself with carrot sticks as my morning snack, and then having 2 hard boiled eggs cut in half as my afternoon snack to get my protein hit before I go to the gym, both snacks that my body now craves, which is so exciting!
On Weigh in Wednesday, I found that I had gained 200g, which was too be expected after the crap I had been consuming over the past few weeks, I'm actually surprised it wasn't more! I didn't let it get me down as I knew I was on the path lose it again and this time keep it off!
Now, I know that we are only meant to weigh ourselves once a week, but I wanted to see if being good was making a difference, as I hadn't goneto the gym on Wednesday night and really didn't push myself much at all last night (I think I need to change it up a bit as I'm getting bored). Yesterday I weighed myself and I had lost that 200g already (woo!). Then today I weighed myself, expecting not to see a change... boy was I wrong! I had gone from something 4.5 on Wednesday to something 3.8 on Friday! I pretty much danced around the bathroom after weighing myself a second time to make sure I wasn't hallucinating! If I keep this loss up, I'll be done to the next something in a few weeks!
I am so glad I wouldn't allow myself to give up and reminded myself I still had 2 months left on this challenge round, as right now I feel like I could take on the world. Once I get the food under control properly, I will begin to tackle the exercise portion properly, I'm still going to the gym and my group fitness sessions, and come next week I'll be doing a boot camp with my friend Jess twice a week as well, so that may help with my toning days where I struggled with the exercises I was given on the challenge as I didn't know how to modify a few of them with the way my back is at the moment, but right now, my main focus is the food. 3 Days in I'm loving it, and today will be my first test as I have a lunch meeting that is catered and am out to dinner with a friend tonight... actually, the whole weekend will be my first test as I am out for at least 3 meals... But I will do this, as those scales told me that it is all worth it!
Monday, 2 July 2012
Week 5 Update
Yesterday was the beginning of week 5, and although I am impressed with myself for dragging my exhausted body to the gym to burn off over 500 calories on the treadmill yesterday, I'm not overly thrilled with my meal choices, I was so tired that the idea of cooking just didn't even occur to me, and although I have heaps of frozen dinners in the freezer, I ended up eating cereal and putting myself way over my calories for the day, effectively undoing all my good work at the gym. But oh well, c'est la vie.
I was in Darwin from Thursday night until yesterday morning and it gave me the opportunity that I needed to really clear my head space. I went away with 2 of my closest friends, and they are also the 2 friends who can be incredibly honest with me and call me on the excuses that I'm making for myself and gave it to me straight. As much as I didn't overly enjoy the conversation, I did take it all on board and will be using many of the tips that they suggested as ways to combat different issues I'm coming up against when it comes to the challenge, and I've committed myself to doing the next round of the 12 week challenge as well. Basically, I'm going to continue doing these challenges until I don't find them to be a CHALLENGE anymore, whether it's for a year or 2 years.
Karlan and Charlie also brought up something that I hadn't even really noticed before (how, i don't know because it is staring me straight in the face). I have a serious issue with food. Not that I'm eating too much or too little. But that I view it as the enemy. I spent most of the weekend away paranoid about food, that I was eating more than the others at different sittings, that I wanted to eat bad stuff when they didn't, or when I was proud of myself for not eating too much at one sitting... I was on holidays but food was always ALWAYS on my mind. I was paranoid that the girls were thinking I ate too much, that I wasn't as committed to the challenge as I should be blah blah blah (they were nothing but supportive, but when you've got issues like this, you always think about what others are thinking of you, and forget that everyone else has got their own issues and really aren't that worried about the things you think they would be!)
The fitness side of this challenge I am getting, that's not an issue for me, and I can see the improvements in the fact that I shaved 30 seconds off my 1km test in 4 weeks and jogged the whole way (I only jogged for maybe half of it when we started the challenge). But the issues that I have with food are something that I really need to work out. I haven't been watching the videos that Michelle puts up every few days because I can't watch them at work and I'm too tired to turn my computer on at home after I get home from the gym. I'm thinking I need to have a mammouth session with all of the different videos so far and write down all of her helpful hints, and I also need to put in motion some of the different tips that I was given over the weekend. Blogging about it and making myself accountable to so many people is definitely helping, even though these revelations to myself are extremely painful to admit to as I can't bare the idea that I am so screwed up about this stuff and am wondering if maybe seeing a therapist who specialises in these areas would be of benefit. I am always so determined to work these things out on my own but now I'm wondering if maybe now is the time to get help before the hatred of food becomes my undoing once more.
So, painful crap aside, I am pleased to note that I didn't gain any weight over the weekend! I'm still on track and I still have 7 and half weeks left on the challenge to see improvements. I will come out of this at the other end a happier person, this is just the transition process!
Thank you for listening to my little rant!
I was in Darwin from Thursday night until yesterday morning and it gave me the opportunity that I needed to really clear my head space. I went away with 2 of my closest friends, and they are also the 2 friends who can be incredibly honest with me and call me on the excuses that I'm making for myself and gave it to me straight. As much as I didn't overly enjoy the conversation, I did take it all on board and will be using many of the tips that they suggested as ways to combat different issues I'm coming up against when it comes to the challenge, and I've committed myself to doing the next round of the 12 week challenge as well. Basically, I'm going to continue doing these challenges until I don't find them to be a CHALLENGE anymore, whether it's for a year or 2 years.
Karlan and Charlie also brought up something that I hadn't even really noticed before (how, i don't know because it is staring me straight in the face). I have a serious issue with food. Not that I'm eating too much or too little. But that I view it as the enemy. I spent most of the weekend away paranoid about food, that I was eating more than the others at different sittings, that I wanted to eat bad stuff when they didn't, or when I was proud of myself for not eating too much at one sitting... I was on holidays but food was always ALWAYS on my mind. I was paranoid that the girls were thinking I ate too much, that I wasn't as committed to the challenge as I should be blah blah blah (they were nothing but supportive, but when you've got issues like this, you always think about what others are thinking of you, and forget that everyone else has got their own issues and really aren't that worried about the things you think they would be!)
The fitness side of this challenge I am getting, that's not an issue for me, and I can see the improvements in the fact that I shaved 30 seconds off my 1km test in 4 weeks and jogged the whole way (I only jogged for maybe half of it when we started the challenge). But the issues that I have with food are something that I really need to work out. I haven't been watching the videos that Michelle puts up every few days because I can't watch them at work and I'm too tired to turn my computer on at home after I get home from the gym. I'm thinking I need to have a mammouth session with all of the different videos so far and write down all of her helpful hints, and I also need to put in motion some of the different tips that I was given over the weekend. Blogging about it and making myself accountable to so many people is definitely helping, even though these revelations to myself are extremely painful to admit to as I can't bare the idea that I am so screwed up about this stuff and am wondering if maybe seeing a therapist who specialises in these areas would be of benefit. I am always so determined to work these things out on my own but now I'm wondering if maybe now is the time to get help before the hatred of food becomes my undoing once more.
So, painful crap aside, I am pleased to note that I didn't gain any weight over the weekend! I'm still on track and I still have 7 and half weeks left on the challenge to see improvements. I will come out of this at the other end a happier person, this is just the transition process!
Thank you for listening to my little rant!
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