OK, so it's been quite a few months. And in that time I've completely gone back to all the old bad habits that I had prior to my health kick at the beginning of the year, because I'd made myself feel so guilty constantly about food.
One thing that I have managed to stick with is staying away from fast food. Aside from one visit to red rooster where I bought 3 nuggets and some chips about a month ago (and then freaked out cause I remembered that I had been so good and wasn't eating fast food), I have not had McDonalds, KFC, Hungry Jacks, Subway, Domino's or Pizza Hut since the 6th of April. And I plan to never go back! Although I may occasionally cave on Domino's (and when I say occasionally, I mean no more than once every couple of months at the most).
So, I'm starting another count down. The 11th of December 2012 is going to be the last time I eat chocolate. I am serious. It's going to be bloody hard, but I'm going to do my utmost to stick to this. I'm also going to think twice about every food choice that I make. If there is no nutritional value to the food, then I'm not eating it. I need to start treating my body better. I don't put diesel fuel into my car because it would kill the engine... This is what I need to remember when it comes to the food I eat.
I've started going back to the gym every morning to do a 45min - 1 hour workout, and will also be taking Maddie for a run each night (if nothing else, I gotta get the energy out of her, she's been thinking that bed time means play time, when all I want to do is fall into bed!).
I refuse to do any challenges or go on any diets per say, although I am watching what I eat and keeping track of calories etc. I am using meal replacement shakes at least once a day, but that is more out of convenience than anything else.
I need to be able to look at my reflection and not want to smash the mirror. Instead, I'm going to work on smashing the fat off this body once and for all. I have a number of things that are happening next year that I am adamant that I will be at least a size 12 for (hopefully a size 10!). September 2013 is a very big month and the starting point of a new adventure, I've got 2 weddings, one of which I am a bridesmaid for, and then I will be embarking on the adventure of a lifetime when I will be packing up or selling everything I own, leaving the dog with her grandparents, and heading to London to work for at least 12 months. So, not only am I saving my ass off, I need to invest in my appearance as well!
So, this is how it is going to be.
No more chocolate, cookies, sugary treats or potato chips. 11th of December 2012 was the last time I am going to allow any of that junk to bring my body down. Christmas is going to be tough but I don't care, I have to stop finding excuses and stick to this!
NO MORE EXCUSES!
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Final week of 12wbt, second week on Ultra Lite
Well, it's been awhile, because I'd started to really get over constantly thinking about my weight, my food choices, the gym was starting to bore me and work had gotten so busy that all I wanted to do was sleep. I've still been weighing in every week and getting the shits with that as well, even though I knew deep down the only reason I wasn't seeing results was because of falling back into all my old habits.
A close friend of mine started working with me and we started going to the gym together after work, we did have one week where we successfully went 4 days in a row, but life just got busy and I kept finding excuses not to go and neither of us worked hard to talk the other out of it.
It all really went down hill when I had my car accident (I was already on the down hill slide but that just ended up pushing me even further downhill). After the whiplash I just found I couldn't find he energy to go to the gym or bootcamp (I really did genuinely have all that stuff on Tina, I promise!
But I probably could have rescheduled some of it if I really wanted to... I've just lost my mojo!).
I decided to do round 3 of the challenge, then I changed my mind, then changed it again, and so on. If they had of given me the opportunity to sign on earlier I would have paid it weeks ago and been locked into it, but they left it too late to let existing people sign up and I was back to not signing up and not wanting to spend more of my hard earned bonus when I needed to pay rego and get lot's of expensive stuff done to my car. But I've realised, challenges aren't for me, cause I psych myself out of them too much. I have learnt a lot of valuable lessons from Michelle Bridges, don't get me wrong, but I had been doing so much better when I was doing my own thing and not putting the pressure on myself, I hadn't had guilty moments before that because I simply wasn't that interested in bad food choices, but as soon as I was on the challenge, everything became forbidden and the self sabotage began.
That being said, my friend and I have started seeing a nutritionist through the clinic at the gym and am currently following the Ultra Lite program, which works to get your body into Ketosis which is the high fat burning phase. And it really works, in my first 3 days I lost 1.6kg! I have also found it so much easier to stya focussed when I have someone doing it along side of me that I see every day.
However I had Italian for dinner on Sunday night and that put my body out of ketosis, and then I caved and had the crackers at work. The first thing I learnt from this was I think I might have a wheat allergy, as I think I have finally found the cause of my unexplained itches every few days that only go away after an antihistamine, cause it hit me Sunday night and again yesterday, but I had not had a single problem before I'd caved and had wheat based products!
However the most important lesson is that I can't keep cheating, which has hit home more than anything on the challenge ever did, because I have someone closely monitoring me, and I have to pee on a strip every morning and night and depending on the colour I can see the effects that a meal has on my body straight away. So next time I go out to dinner, there will be only meat and salad, which they had at the restaurant, but I can't go to an Italian Restaurant without ordering pizza, it's my addiction, so Italian is out for awhile until I've reached my goal weight and have learnt to maintain my weight.
It has made me more accountable than ever, and I want to prove to myself that I can do this!
I'm looking to find a form of fitness that I enjoy, I really need to get back into Zumba so may have to start paying for classes somewhere seeing as my gym has it on at time when only unemployed people, stay at home mums and retirees can go! I'm considering looking into kickboxing as well, but think that will probably hurt my back and give my physio heart failure.
I haven't given up, I've just readjusted my vision!
A close friend of mine started working with me and we started going to the gym together after work, we did have one week where we successfully went 4 days in a row, but life just got busy and I kept finding excuses not to go and neither of us worked hard to talk the other out of it.
It all really went down hill when I had my car accident (I was already on the down hill slide but that just ended up pushing me even further downhill). After the whiplash I just found I couldn't find he energy to go to the gym or bootcamp (I really did genuinely have all that stuff on Tina, I promise!
But I probably could have rescheduled some of it if I really wanted to... I've just lost my mojo!).
I decided to do round 3 of the challenge, then I changed my mind, then changed it again, and so on. If they had of given me the opportunity to sign on earlier I would have paid it weeks ago and been locked into it, but they left it too late to let existing people sign up and I was back to not signing up and not wanting to spend more of my hard earned bonus when I needed to pay rego and get lot's of expensive stuff done to my car. But I've realised, challenges aren't for me, cause I psych myself out of them too much. I have learnt a lot of valuable lessons from Michelle Bridges, don't get me wrong, but I had been doing so much better when I was doing my own thing and not putting the pressure on myself, I hadn't had guilty moments before that because I simply wasn't that interested in bad food choices, but as soon as I was on the challenge, everything became forbidden and the self sabotage began.
That being said, my friend and I have started seeing a nutritionist through the clinic at the gym and am currently following the Ultra Lite program, which works to get your body into Ketosis which is the high fat burning phase. And it really works, in my first 3 days I lost 1.6kg! I have also found it so much easier to stya focussed when I have someone doing it along side of me that I see every day.
However I had Italian for dinner on Sunday night and that put my body out of ketosis, and then I caved and had the crackers at work. The first thing I learnt from this was I think I might have a wheat allergy, as I think I have finally found the cause of my unexplained itches every few days that only go away after an antihistamine, cause it hit me Sunday night and again yesterday, but I had not had a single problem before I'd caved and had wheat based products!
However the most important lesson is that I can't keep cheating, which has hit home more than anything on the challenge ever did, because I have someone closely monitoring me, and I have to pee on a strip every morning and night and depending on the colour I can see the effects that a meal has on my body straight away. So next time I go out to dinner, there will be only meat and salad, which they had at the restaurant, but I can't go to an Italian Restaurant without ordering pizza, it's my addiction, so Italian is out for awhile until I've reached my goal weight and have learnt to maintain my weight.
It has made me more accountable than ever, and I want to prove to myself that I can do this!
I'm looking to find a form of fitness that I enjoy, I really need to get back into Zumba so may have to start paying for classes somewhere seeing as my gym has it on at time when only unemployed people, stay at home mums and retirees can go! I'm considering looking into kickboxing as well, but think that will probably hurt my back and give my physio heart failure.
I haven't given up, I've just readjusted my vision!
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Positive outlook
This week I have a much more positive outlook on life. Or should I say, I am working on having a positive outlook on life. My house mate's last words to me this morning were "things are looking up for us, finances are sorting themselves out, we're both losing weight, from now on, it's onwards and upwards". My immediate pessmimistic thought was "don't say it out loud, you'll jinx it", but then I realised something, that's my problem, I don't say enough positive things out loud, I focus on the negative too much! So, I am turning over a new leaf. It is obviously going to take some work because I'm attempting to change a mind set, but I will do this.
So, we're in week 8 of the challenge. I finally had a decent loss this week of 800g, the highest loss that I've had. Yes, my total loss has been 1.8kg so far, but IT'S STILL A LOSS! Yes, my measurements have gone down by 11.5cm when I've got friends who have lost 40cm, but IT'S STILL A LOSS!!!!!
I need to remember that everyone is at different stages on this journey, I thought I was further along on mine, but when I hear the stories of some of the of the other people doing this challenge, I realise I have so much further to go, and I just need to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. I am giving myself a realistic goal to be at my target of 70kg by Amanda and Sam's wedding next year, as it is my first time being a bridesmaid so I want to look hot (though not as hot as the bride, because Amanda is going to be absolutely stunning!).
I'm working on my mindset for the next four weeks of this challenge. Then the next round I am focussing on my food choices, that is a big thing for me. My problem this round is I tried to change too much, too quick, and my brain couldn't handle it, I got the guilts and just wanted to give up. So the next round is all about focussing on one thing at a time. I'm still going to go to the gym 5 - 6 days a week, but the food is going to be my challenge. Then in the third round I will step up my fitness.
Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day!
So, we're in week 8 of the challenge. I finally had a decent loss this week of 800g, the highest loss that I've had. Yes, my total loss has been 1.8kg so far, but IT'S STILL A LOSS! Yes, my measurements have gone down by 11.5cm when I've got friends who have lost 40cm, but IT'S STILL A LOSS!!!!!
I need to remember that everyone is at different stages on this journey, I thought I was further along on mine, but when I hear the stories of some of the of the other people doing this challenge, I realise I have so much further to go, and I just need to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. I am giving myself a realistic goal to be at my target of 70kg by Amanda and Sam's wedding next year, as it is my first time being a bridesmaid so I want to look hot (though not as hot as the bride, because Amanda is going to be absolutely stunning!).
I'm working on my mindset for the next four weeks of this challenge. Then the next round I am focussing on my food choices, that is a big thing for me. My problem this round is I tried to change too much, too quick, and my brain couldn't handle it, I got the guilts and just wanted to give up. So the next round is all about focussing on one thing at a time. I'm still going to go to the gym 5 - 6 days a week, but the food is going to be my challenge. Then in the third round I will step up my fitness.
Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day, Rome wasn't built in a day!
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Week 7 Update
This week I have barely stuck to the challenge at all due to a number of unforeseen catastrophies that have thrown my life into chaos. I was starting to be over it all anyway, but was working on regaining my focus and intended on sitting down and watching the Michelle Bridges videos to get myself back into the swing of it over the last weekend... This did not end up happening. Let me tell you why.
Friday morning, I'd packed my breakfast and lunch for the day and headed off to work. The roads were a little wet, but I wasn't worried. I was sitting in a line of traffic waiting for lights to change in Albion, minding my own business, when I heard a god-awful screech of tires from behind me, I looked in the review mirror to see a four-wheel drive with a massive bloody bullbar coming right at me... Then I couldn't see anything except the roof of my car because the force that he hit me caused the review mirror to flick up and items in my centre console to go flying.
After dealing with all of this and calming down the poor P Plater who hit me, I realised that my neck was killing me and a headache had already started to develop. I limped my poor crumpled car to work and was set upon by everyone to get myself to the doctors etc. And so started the constant trips to doctors and hospitals that have become my life for the past week. Not all of these visits have been for me, thank goodness, however I have seen enough hospital/doctor/physio waiting rooms in the last 7 days to last me a life time. I'm working limited hours and am spending every afternoon up at the Royal Brisbane Hospital with my sister as she recovers from an emergency operation that she had yesterday, after a long wait in emergency on Monday night.
Now, in all of this, I have lost a lot of sleep and haven't felt even the slightest bit guilty as I have eaten crap from hospital cafeterias, burgers from our local take-away (fresh cooked, not McDonalds, I haven't stooped that low) and have resorted to snacks from the vending machine.
I did still manage to weigh myself for weigh in wednesday yesterday but really couldn't have given a crap about what it said (put on 400g again to be back to only having lost a kilo). I can't work out as I am still suffering from whiplash and I will still be spending a lot of time at the hospital, so I pretty much don't care.
I'll get back into it next week...if life has returned to normal by then!
Friday morning, I'd packed my breakfast and lunch for the day and headed off to work. The roads were a little wet, but I wasn't worried. I was sitting in a line of traffic waiting for lights to change in Albion, minding my own business, when I heard a god-awful screech of tires from behind me, I looked in the review mirror to see a four-wheel drive with a massive bloody bullbar coming right at me... Then I couldn't see anything except the roof of my car because the force that he hit me caused the review mirror to flick up and items in my centre console to go flying.
After dealing with all of this and calming down the poor P Plater who hit me, I realised that my neck was killing me and a headache had already started to develop. I limped my poor crumpled car to work and was set upon by everyone to get myself to the doctors etc. And so started the constant trips to doctors and hospitals that have become my life for the past week. Not all of these visits have been for me, thank goodness, however I have seen enough hospital/doctor/physio waiting rooms in the last 7 days to last me a life time. I'm working limited hours and am spending every afternoon up at the Royal Brisbane Hospital with my sister as she recovers from an emergency operation that she had yesterday, after a long wait in emergency on Monday night.
Now, in all of this, I have lost a lot of sleep and haven't felt even the slightest bit guilty as I have eaten crap from hospital cafeterias, burgers from our local take-away (fresh cooked, not McDonalds, I haven't stooped that low) and have resorted to snacks from the vending machine.
I did still manage to weigh myself for weigh in wednesday yesterday but really couldn't have given a crap about what it said (put on 400g again to be back to only having lost a kilo). I can't work out as I am still suffering from whiplash and I will still be spending a lot of time at the hospital, so I pretty much don't care.
I'll get back into it next week...if life has returned to normal by then!
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Slow decline into bad habits again
From my last blog post, one would think that I had finally kicked my bad habits for good.
But no, the weekend happened, didn't it?
Apparently I can only be good during the week and then weekends happen and I seem to give myself this licence to do whatever I want with food. I regret it afterwards (and I know that while I'm doing it I'll hate myself for it, yet I still do it). Whether it's because I skip my snacks and therefore become starving by dinner time, I don't know, but I really need to work on this. Then Monday came, I did pretty well until dinner time, but because I'd gone home from work early with a killer headache, the four slices of pizza that Karen offered me just seemed so much easier then getting a ready made meal out of the freezer and microwaving it. Then Tuesday rolls around and I stayed in bed all day. I was fairly good, although I again gave in to temptation when Karen offered me turkish bread and dip (although I did leave her to drink the wine alone, I'm doing OK there, thank goodness! Although the massive amounts of painkillers and anti-inflammatories in my system definitely helped me to turn the wine down). Wednesday rolls around, and because the hard boiled eggs I'd taken to work weren't looking so healthy, I had to throw them out, but instead of reaching for the protein shake like I meant to, I went for the crackers... Yep, that's right, the crackers again people... And then my dinner was four slizes of toast with crunchy "light" peant butter (don't forget the light part, that made it totally acceptable... NOT!), yoghurt with berries and then, just cause I felt slightly hungry, the last mini packet of grain waves chips that I had left...
WTF is wrong with me?!
I think I've been trying to lose weight for so long now that I am slowly just getting over it all. Remember, I was attempting to shed the kilos long before I started the Challenge, and I'm getting really over always thinking about food, making myself feel like crap when I don't go to the gym (I haven't been since Thursday, FYI, although I danced on Friday night and took the dog for a massive walk on Sunday, but that's it). I'm tired. I'm over it.
I know I should watch the videos that Michelle Bridges has on the challenge website, but when I'm at home, the last thing I feel like doing is continuing to stare at a computer screen after doing it all week at work. I'd rather stare at the huge TV screen and zone out for a few hours.
I am fully aware that I am making excuses, but the past few days I have been struggling big time. I haven't been up to the gym because of the intense pain in my head (I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep, no doubt because of the fact that I am stressing about food and not losing any weight). And when I do make plans for fun things to do outside, the FREAKING WEATHER squashes my plans, aka the football this week, the past 2 months of trying to get to dancing on a Friday night only to have it pouring rain, a bushwalk this weekend...
I think I'm just in a very bad mood today. Let's see how I go with diet and exercise today!
But no, the weekend happened, didn't it?
Apparently I can only be good during the week and then weekends happen and I seem to give myself this licence to do whatever I want with food. I regret it afterwards (and I know that while I'm doing it I'll hate myself for it, yet I still do it). Whether it's because I skip my snacks and therefore become starving by dinner time, I don't know, but I really need to work on this. Then Monday came, I did pretty well until dinner time, but because I'd gone home from work early with a killer headache, the four slices of pizza that Karen offered me just seemed so much easier then getting a ready made meal out of the freezer and microwaving it. Then Tuesday rolls around and I stayed in bed all day. I was fairly good, although I again gave in to temptation when Karen offered me turkish bread and dip (although I did leave her to drink the wine alone, I'm doing OK there, thank goodness! Although the massive amounts of painkillers and anti-inflammatories in my system definitely helped me to turn the wine down). Wednesday rolls around, and because the hard boiled eggs I'd taken to work weren't looking so healthy, I had to throw them out, but instead of reaching for the protein shake like I meant to, I went for the crackers... Yep, that's right, the crackers again people... And then my dinner was four slizes of toast with crunchy "light" peant butter (don't forget the light part, that made it totally acceptable... NOT!), yoghurt with berries and then, just cause I felt slightly hungry, the last mini packet of grain waves chips that I had left...
WTF is wrong with me?!
I think I've been trying to lose weight for so long now that I am slowly just getting over it all. Remember, I was attempting to shed the kilos long before I started the Challenge, and I'm getting really over always thinking about food, making myself feel like crap when I don't go to the gym (I haven't been since Thursday, FYI, although I danced on Friday night and took the dog for a massive walk on Sunday, but that's it). I'm tired. I'm over it.
I know I should watch the videos that Michelle Bridges has on the challenge website, but when I'm at home, the last thing I feel like doing is continuing to stare at a computer screen after doing it all week at work. I'd rather stare at the huge TV screen and zone out for a few hours.
I am fully aware that I am making excuses, but the past few days I have been struggling big time. I haven't been up to the gym because of the intense pain in my head (I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep, no doubt because of the fact that I am stressing about food and not losing any weight). And when I do make plans for fun things to do outside, the FREAKING WEATHER squashes my plans, aka the football this week, the past 2 months of trying to get to dancing on a Friday night only to have it pouring rain, a bushwalk this weekend...
I think I'm just in a very bad mood today. Let's see how I go with diet and exercise today!
Thursday, 5 July 2012
Food really is the key!
Wow, what a difference 3 days makes!
As I said in my last blog on Tuesday, I recommitted to the food aspect of the challenge this week, after struggling considerably over the past month. My head must be in the right place this time, because I haven't been starving once all week, and have even found that I've had to remind myself to eat a few times. I also haven't touched those damned crackers since the day before I went to Darwin (last Thursday), as I have started eating hummus that I've made myself with carrot sticks as my morning snack, and then having 2 hard boiled eggs cut in half as my afternoon snack to get my protein hit before I go to the gym, both snacks that my body now craves, which is so exciting!
On Weigh in Wednesday, I found that I had gained 200g, which was too be expected after the crap I had been consuming over the past few weeks, I'm actually surprised it wasn't more! I didn't let it get me down as I knew I was on the path lose it again and this time keep it off!
Now, I know that we are only meant to weigh ourselves once a week, but I wanted to see if being good was making a difference, as I hadn't goneto the gym on Wednesday night and really didn't push myself much at all last night (I think I need to change it up a bit as I'm getting bored). Yesterday I weighed myself and I had lost that 200g already (woo!). Then today I weighed myself, expecting not to see a change... boy was I wrong! I had gone from something 4.5 on Wednesday to something 3.8 on Friday! I pretty much danced around the bathroom after weighing myself a second time to make sure I wasn't hallucinating! If I keep this loss up, I'll be done to the next something in a few weeks!
I am so glad I wouldn't allow myself to give up and reminded myself I still had 2 months left on this challenge round, as right now I feel like I could take on the world. Once I get the food under control properly, I will begin to tackle the exercise portion properly, I'm still going to the gym and my group fitness sessions, and come next week I'll be doing a boot camp with my friend Jess twice a week as well, so that may help with my toning days where I struggled with the exercises I was given on the challenge as I didn't know how to modify a few of them with the way my back is at the moment, but right now, my main focus is the food. 3 Days in I'm loving it, and today will be my first test as I have a lunch meeting that is catered and am out to dinner with a friend tonight... actually, the whole weekend will be my first test as I am out for at least 3 meals... But I will do this, as those scales told me that it is all worth it!
As I said in my last blog on Tuesday, I recommitted to the food aspect of the challenge this week, after struggling considerably over the past month. My head must be in the right place this time, because I haven't been starving once all week, and have even found that I've had to remind myself to eat a few times. I also haven't touched those damned crackers since the day before I went to Darwin (last Thursday), as I have started eating hummus that I've made myself with carrot sticks as my morning snack, and then having 2 hard boiled eggs cut in half as my afternoon snack to get my protein hit before I go to the gym, both snacks that my body now craves, which is so exciting!
On Weigh in Wednesday, I found that I had gained 200g, which was too be expected after the crap I had been consuming over the past few weeks, I'm actually surprised it wasn't more! I didn't let it get me down as I knew I was on the path lose it again and this time keep it off!
Now, I know that we are only meant to weigh ourselves once a week, but I wanted to see if being good was making a difference, as I hadn't goneto the gym on Wednesday night and really didn't push myself much at all last night (I think I need to change it up a bit as I'm getting bored). Yesterday I weighed myself and I had lost that 200g already (woo!). Then today I weighed myself, expecting not to see a change... boy was I wrong! I had gone from something 4.5 on Wednesday to something 3.8 on Friday! I pretty much danced around the bathroom after weighing myself a second time to make sure I wasn't hallucinating! If I keep this loss up, I'll be done to the next something in a few weeks!
I am so glad I wouldn't allow myself to give up and reminded myself I still had 2 months left on this challenge round, as right now I feel like I could take on the world. Once I get the food under control properly, I will begin to tackle the exercise portion properly, I'm still going to the gym and my group fitness sessions, and come next week I'll be doing a boot camp with my friend Jess twice a week as well, so that may help with my toning days where I struggled with the exercises I was given on the challenge as I didn't know how to modify a few of them with the way my back is at the moment, but right now, my main focus is the food. 3 Days in I'm loving it, and today will be my first test as I have a lunch meeting that is catered and am out to dinner with a friend tonight... actually, the whole weekend will be my first test as I am out for at least 3 meals... But I will do this, as those scales told me that it is all worth it!
Monday, 2 July 2012
Week 5 Update
Yesterday was the beginning of week 5, and although I am impressed with myself for dragging my exhausted body to the gym to burn off over 500 calories on the treadmill yesterday, I'm not overly thrilled with my meal choices, I was so tired that the idea of cooking just didn't even occur to me, and although I have heaps of frozen dinners in the freezer, I ended up eating cereal and putting myself way over my calories for the day, effectively undoing all my good work at the gym. But oh well, c'est la vie.
I was in Darwin from Thursday night until yesterday morning and it gave me the opportunity that I needed to really clear my head space. I went away with 2 of my closest friends, and they are also the 2 friends who can be incredibly honest with me and call me on the excuses that I'm making for myself and gave it to me straight. As much as I didn't overly enjoy the conversation, I did take it all on board and will be using many of the tips that they suggested as ways to combat different issues I'm coming up against when it comes to the challenge, and I've committed myself to doing the next round of the 12 week challenge as well. Basically, I'm going to continue doing these challenges until I don't find them to be a CHALLENGE anymore, whether it's for a year or 2 years.
Karlan and Charlie also brought up something that I hadn't even really noticed before (how, i don't know because it is staring me straight in the face). I have a serious issue with food. Not that I'm eating too much or too little. But that I view it as the enemy. I spent most of the weekend away paranoid about food, that I was eating more than the others at different sittings, that I wanted to eat bad stuff when they didn't, or when I was proud of myself for not eating too much at one sitting... I was on holidays but food was always ALWAYS on my mind. I was paranoid that the girls were thinking I ate too much, that I wasn't as committed to the challenge as I should be blah blah blah (they were nothing but supportive, but when you've got issues like this, you always think about what others are thinking of you, and forget that everyone else has got their own issues and really aren't that worried about the things you think they would be!)
The fitness side of this challenge I am getting, that's not an issue for me, and I can see the improvements in the fact that I shaved 30 seconds off my 1km test in 4 weeks and jogged the whole way (I only jogged for maybe half of it when we started the challenge). But the issues that I have with food are something that I really need to work out. I haven't been watching the videos that Michelle puts up every few days because I can't watch them at work and I'm too tired to turn my computer on at home after I get home from the gym. I'm thinking I need to have a mammouth session with all of the different videos so far and write down all of her helpful hints, and I also need to put in motion some of the different tips that I was given over the weekend. Blogging about it and making myself accountable to so many people is definitely helping, even though these revelations to myself are extremely painful to admit to as I can't bare the idea that I am so screwed up about this stuff and am wondering if maybe seeing a therapist who specialises in these areas would be of benefit. I am always so determined to work these things out on my own but now I'm wondering if maybe now is the time to get help before the hatred of food becomes my undoing once more.
So, painful crap aside, I am pleased to note that I didn't gain any weight over the weekend! I'm still on track and I still have 7 and half weeks left on the challenge to see improvements. I will come out of this at the other end a happier person, this is just the transition process!
Thank you for listening to my little rant!
I was in Darwin from Thursday night until yesterday morning and it gave me the opportunity that I needed to really clear my head space. I went away with 2 of my closest friends, and they are also the 2 friends who can be incredibly honest with me and call me on the excuses that I'm making for myself and gave it to me straight. As much as I didn't overly enjoy the conversation, I did take it all on board and will be using many of the tips that they suggested as ways to combat different issues I'm coming up against when it comes to the challenge, and I've committed myself to doing the next round of the 12 week challenge as well. Basically, I'm going to continue doing these challenges until I don't find them to be a CHALLENGE anymore, whether it's for a year or 2 years.
Karlan and Charlie also brought up something that I hadn't even really noticed before (how, i don't know because it is staring me straight in the face). I have a serious issue with food. Not that I'm eating too much or too little. But that I view it as the enemy. I spent most of the weekend away paranoid about food, that I was eating more than the others at different sittings, that I wanted to eat bad stuff when they didn't, or when I was proud of myself for not eating too much at one sitting... I was on holidays but food was always ALWAYS on my mind. I was paranoid that the girls were thinking I ate too much, that I wasn't as committed to the challenge as I should be blah blah blah (they were nothing but supportive, but when you've got issues like this, you always think about what others are thinking of you, and forget that everyone else has got their own issues and really aren't that worried about the things you think they would be!)
The fitness side of this challenge I am getting, that's not an issue for me, and I can see the improvements in the fact that I shaved 30 seconds off my 1km test in 4 weeks and jogged the whole way (I only jogged for maybe half of it when we started the challenge). But the issues that I have with food are something that I really need to work out. I haven't been watching the videos that Michelle puts up every few days because I can't watch them at work and I'm too tired to turn my computer on at home after I get home from the gym. I'm thinking I need to have a mammouth session with all of the different videos so far and write down all of her helpful hints, and I also need to put in motion some of the different tips that I was given over the weekend. Blogging about it and making myself accountable to so many people is definitely helping, even though these revelations to myself are extremely painful to admit to as I can't bare the idea that I am so screwed up about this stuff and am wondering if maybe seeing a therapist who specialises in these areas would be of benefit. I am always so determined to work these things out on my own but now I'm wondering if maybe now is the time to get help before the hatred of food becomes my undoing once more.
So, painful crap aside, I am pleased to note that I didn't gain any weight over the weekend! I'm still on track and I still have 7 and half weeks left on the challenge to see improvements. I will come out of this at the other end a happier person, this is just the transition process!
Thank you for listening to my little rant!
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Time to get real... For real this time...
I have had a really really bad couple of days with food. I could give a number of excuses and blame others for tempting me, but I know that I am the only person responsible for putting the crap in my mouth. So, let's start at the beginning.
Week 1 I went really well. I stuck to the food, did my 6 days of exercise and felt great for it... Then it became harder for some reason. I hadn't allowed myself to eat any chocolate for weeks, and I hadn't really missed it, so I figured, I'll get some of the 75% lindt chocolate that was allowed on the challenge.
And so began my slow spiral to tonights melt down.
I have already blogged about that chocolate and how I threw away what little was left as well as the other 3 blocks thinking that would be the end of it. Not so. I was still reaching for those bloody crackers in the afternoon at work. I'd gone back to having a coffee every morning but kept "forgetting" to include that in my calories for each day. My main meals were fine, but it was the snacks that were the problem. Throw in the fact that, after months at the gym, it took just 3 group training sessions to right royally screw my back up, making the gym just that more painful - (Not your fault Tina, I just need to work out what I can and can't do).
I was seeing very small amounts of weight loss on the scales so I could justify the crap I was eating, hearing the words "a little treat isn't bad for you", or "You should indulge yourself every now and again". And every loss counts right?
Fast forward to Saturday. Karen and I went on a bush walk at Mt Tibrogargan, and it was so much fun. I had a healthy breakfast (Avocado Toast with Smoked Salmon), took an apple and curried egg sandwich and burnt around 600 cals whilst doing something I loved, I felt like I had accomplished something. Like it was a turning point. Then I came home and plonked my butt on the couch... and ate at least 15 lindt chocolate balls (80 calories each). I had a glass of wine. Sure, the penang chicken and vegies I had for dinner was off of the Michelle Bridges approved recipes list, but the 2 mini bags of buttered pop corn weren't. I vowed that I wouldn't do it again.
I did it again the next day.
Monday came around, and those damn crackers were literally calling my name from the lunch room. I also had another 4 of the chocolates when I got home. Another vow not to repeat the same mistakes again today...
Not only did I make those mistakes, I surpassed them.
Work has been so stressful the past few weeks as being under staffed has really begun to take its toll on me. My back has been absolutely killing me and my hips have started now, I know I'm going to have to make a trip to my good friend Bec who is also my physiotherapist as I think my pelvis has twisted now :(. This has made it doubly hard at the gym. I still went both yesterday and today but the pain is pretty bad tonight and I probably won't be able to do much until I get back from Darwin and can get to the Physio, which adds to my depression tonight.
I made the mistake of going to the grocery store to buy snack foods after I finished at the gym and was hungry. But see, the pretzels are kept in the chips aisle... One of my worst addictions is Smiths plains potato chips, and I knew, when I took the single packet off the shelf that I was going to regret it. But I still did it. And see, the traffic was shit on the way home, took me 40 minutes to drive from Chermside to North Lakes, which is usually a 20 minute drive, but because it was raining, no one can bloody drive, so there I was, in my car, with pretzels, chips and museli bars. One pack of each later and I was a crying mess, I'd hit bottom, off the wagon.
And I had no one else to blame but myself.
I am going to Darwin this weekend and this is going to be the real challenge. I am NOT going to fall off the wagon again. I still have 2 months left on the challenge. Not only, STILL. I have every opportunity to come back from this. I am almost hoping that when I weigh myself in the morning, I put on weight as a way of telling myself that enough is enough. No more excuses.
I'm back baby, and I'm back for good!
Week 1 I went really well. I stuck to the food, did my 6 days of exercise and felt great for it... Then it became harder for some reason. I hadn't allowed myself to eat any chocolate for weeks, and I hadn't really missed it, so I figured, I'll get some of the 75% lindt chocolate that was allowed on the challenge.
And so began my slow spiral to tonights melt down.
I have already blogged about that chocolate and how I threw away what little was left as well as the other 3 blocks thinking that would be the end of it. Not so. I was still reaching for those bloody crackers in the afternoon at work. I'd gone back to having a coffee every morning but kept "forgetting" to include that in my calories for each day. My main meals were fine, but it was the snacks that were the problem. Throw in the fact that, after months at the gym, it took just 3 group training sessions to right royally screw my back up, making the gym just that more painful - (Not your fault Tina, I just need to work out what I can and can't do).
I was seeing very small amounts of weight loss on the scales so I could justify the crap I was eating, hearing the words "a little treat isn't bad for you", or "You should indulge yourself every now and again". And every loss counts right?
Fast forward to Saturday. Karen and I went on a bush walk at Mt Tibrogargan, and it was so much fun. I had a healthy breakfast (Avocado Toast with Smoked Salmon), took an apple and curried egg sandwich and burnt around 600 cals whilst doing something I loved, I felt like I had accomplished something. Like it was a turning point. Then I came home and plonked my butt on the couch... and ate at least 15 lindt chocolate balls (80 calories each). I had a glass of wine. Sure, the penang chicken and vegies I had for dinner was off of the Michelle Bridges approved recipes list, but the 2 mini bags of buttered pop corn weren't. I vowed that I wouldn't do it again.
I did it again the next day.
Monday came around, and those damn crackers were literally calling my name from the lunch room. I also had another 4 of the chocolates when I got home. Another vow not to repeat the same mistakes again today...
Not only did I make those mistakes, I surpassed them.
Work has been so stressful the past few weeks as being under staffed has really begun to take its toll on me. My back has been absolutely killing me and my hips have started now, I know I'm going to have to make a trip to my good friend Bec who is also my physiotherapist as I think my pelvis has twisted now :(. This has made it doubly hard at the gym. I still went both yesterday and today but the pain is pretty bad tonight and I probably won't be able to do much until I get back from Darwin and can get to the Physio, which adds to my depression tonight.
I made the mistake of going to the grocery store to buy snack foods after I finished at the gym and was hungry. But see, the pretzels are kept in the chips aisle... One of my worst addictions is Smiths plains potato chips, and I knew, when I took the single packet off the shelf that I was going to regret it. But I still did it. And see, the traffic was shit on the way home, took me 40 minutes to drive from Chermside to North Lakes, which is usually a 20 minute drive, but because it was raining, no one can bloody drive, so there I was, in my car, with pretzels, chips and museli bars. One pack of each later and I was a crying mess, I'd hit bottom, off the wagon.
And I had no one else to blame but myself.
I am going to Darwin this weekend and this is going to be the real challenge. I am NOT going to fall off the wagon again. I still have 2 months left on the challenge. Not only, STILL. I have every opportunity to come back from this. I am almost hoping that when I weigh myself in the morning, I put on weight as a way of telling myself that enough is enough. No more excuses.
I'm back baby, and I'm back for good!
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Week 3 Weigh In
Today is Weigh In Wednesday. I love the cutesy little things on this challenge, weigh in wednesday, super session saturday etc. I was naughty and weighed myself yesterday morning as well, so I wasn't too shocked this morning when I saw that I had only lost 300g since last weeks weigh in, bringing my weight loss total to 1kg since the challenge started.
Now, I am a little annoyed about this, however, I am very good at rationalising things (just ask Karen, we rationalise a lot of things together, makes it a lot better when you have someone to blurt out how you're feeling to and then sit down and work out 1) why you're feeling this way and 2) how the heck to fix it).
I have lost just under 6 kilos since we got back from Europe in September last year. Not a huge loss, but one I'm very happy with. When I was 18 and 19, I had an eating disorder. I went from 70kgs to 49kgs in just 6 months. I was also incredibly unhealthy and screwed up as all hell within myself. Apparently people I went to high school with thought that I'd developed cancer or something equally drastic, but in my mind, I looked fantastic and I could fit into clothes that my naturally slim friend could fit into. But she looked healthy. After awhile, I looked terrible, and when I hit 49kgs, I was the most depressed I have ever been in my life. Then my grandfather passed away and I took a good look at myself and realised what an idiot I was being. So I started eating again, without making myself sick after every meal.
Then the reverse happened. I went from 49kgs to 92kgs in a span of 3 years... I blame the fact that I had screwed up my metabolism, threw out my scales and was eating whole mud cakes from Coles in 3 days.
I've been struggling with weight ever since I was 18 years old. I'm now 28 and refuse to repeat the mistakes that I made back then.
So this time, when I see that I have lost 1kg in 2 and a half weeks, I look at the bigger picture. I focus on the fact that I have lost nearly 6kgs since October (not 21kgs in 6 months!). I focus on the fact that I am the healthiest I have been in a long time. I focus on the fact that I am happy. I focus on the fact that where once, this small amount of weight loss would have sent me into a spiral of depression and caused me to give up, turning to things like mud cake and other naughties, I instead focus on the chant we are all familiar with - "slow and steady wins the race". And it's very true.
10 years ago I lost 21kgs very very quickly, and look what it has done to my metabolism! I refuse to do that again and so now, that 6kgs looks like the best number in the world.
If I only find that I have lost 10kgs come October, then that's fine. It's still 10kgs.
Now, I am a little annoyed about this, however, I am very good at rationalising things (just ask Karen, we rationalise a lot of things together, makes it a lot better when you have someone to blurt out how you're feeling to and then sit down and work out 1) why you're feeling this way and 2) how the heck to fix it).
I have lost just under 6 kilos since we got back from Europe in September last year. Not a huge loss, but one I'm very happy with. When I was 18 and 19, I had an eating disorder. I went from 70kgs to 49kgs in just 6 months. I was also incredibly unhealthy and screwed up as all hell within myself. Apparently people I went to high school with thought that I'd developed cancer or something equally drastic, but in my mind, I looked fantastic and I could fit into clothes that my naturally slim friend could fit into. But she looked healthy. After awhile, I looked terrible, and when I hit 49kgs, I was the most depressed I have ever been in my life. Then my grandfather passed away and I took a good look at myself and realised what an idiot I was being. So I started eating again, without making myself sick after every meal.
Then the reverse happened. I went from 49kgs to 92kgs in a span of 3 years... I blame the fact that I had screwed up my metabolism, threw out my scales and was eating whole mud cakes from Coles in 3 days.
I've been struggling with weight ever since I was 18 years old. I'm now 28 and refuse to repeat the mistakes that I made back then.
So this time, when I see that I have lost 1kg in 2 and a half weeks, I look at the bigger picture. I focus on the fact that I have lost nearly 6kgs since October (not 21kgs in 6 months!). I focus on the fact that I am the healthiest I have been in a long time. I focus on the fact that I am happy. I focus on the fact that where once, this small amount of weight loss would have sent me into a spiral of depression and caused me to give up, turning to things like mud cake and other naughties, I instead focus on the chant we are all familiar with - "slow and steady wins the race". And it's very true.
10 years ago I lost 21kgs very very quickly, and look what it has done to my metabolism! I refuse to do that again and so now, that 6kgs looks like the best number in the world.
If I only find that I have lost 10kgs come October, then that's fine. It's still 10kgs.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Today is the beginning of Week 3 on the challenge, and I am determined to get my motivation back.
Week 2 was not a good week. I was exhausted for no apparent reason for days, I was cranky for no apparent reason for days, had a headache and quite frankly began to lose sight of why I was doing this to myself. I went through almost an entire block of lindt 70% cocoa dark chocolate on Wednesday before realising that I just had to remove all chocolate from my 2 shelves in the pantry, so the 3 remaining blocks that I had waiting for me were promptly thrown out along with the 5 or 6 pieces left from that block I had consumed. We may be allowed a little bit of chocolate on the challenge, but apparently I have zero will power when I'm having a bad week, so it's just best to completely remove it from my diet. I wasn't struggling with hunger like I had been the week before (thank god!), but I had managed to find those crackers at work a few times all the same. I also skipped 2 days of exercise (Wednesday because I was home in bed with a massive headache and Friday because I'd had a difficult day and just wanted to go home).
I had always said I wasn't an emotional eater, and I wholly and soully believed that as well! Last week was definitely an eye opener for me. I had no particular reason to be feeling the way that I was feeling, aside from hormones, which I had also believed was not an issue for me, pfft... apparently I learnt a lot about myself last week! On Friday night, I fell off the wagon and ate turkish bread with dip (a lot of it), although I still managed to keep away from the bottle of wine that my best friend had cracked open. I'd also come to the realisation that I could no longer afford to keep living above my means and had to deal with the fact that I am very very broke and need to start repriotising my life, as I found out I'm going to have to find almost $1700 over the next few months to fix various things on my car (and yes, I still managed to stay away from that bottle of wine!).
I had thought that this challenge would be easy, that I would breeze through. I am learning the hard way that I really knew nothing about myself before now.
Now, onto the positives of last week (surprisingly I managed to find some!). Most importantly, I did not turn to the bottle of wine, that is definitely a positive, as I have managed to remain alcohol free through the challenge so far and am determined to keep it up! I had also discovered the Saturday before that I actually COULD do push ups on my toes, so I have now vowed to never go back to push ups on my knees again, and on the Saturday just past, I successfully did 2 laps of the oval where we do our group training sessions without having to stop and walk. I also pushed myself further than I have at previous sessions and felt great for it afterwards. And, drum roll please, I also discovered that I love almond milk, and when using it in cereals, teas and coffees, I no longer require any sugar! To me, this is possibly the most exciting thing out of the whole week!
So, my goals for this week. Do ALL 6 exercise sesssions (even if I am exhausted and in a foul mood), sort out my finances (because this is pretty much the source of all my bad moods and emotional ups and downs), and deal with the fact that I am always the one organsing to do things with everyone else, but rarely get invited to do stuff (another source of my emotions lately, and not something I want to go into here, but it is something that is causing me to turn to food in a way I had never noticed before... I really just need to stop looking at facebook, because it gives you a glimpse of everyone elses lives and makes you think yours sucks because you're not out partying every weekend, getting married, having babies, travelling the world... blah blah blah).
I will be in Darwin with 2 of my closest friends the weekend of the 4 week challenge, so my best friend and I are going hiking in the Glass House Mountains this Saturday instead, and I am surprised at how excited I am by this! I know I'm going to be sore and sorry on Sunday, but I'm excited! Who knows, it could lead to an exciting new hobby!
Week 2 was not a good week. I was exhausted for no apparent reason for days, I was cranky for no apparent reason for days, had a headache and quite frankly began to lose sight of why I was doing this to myself. I went through almost an entire block of lindt 70% cocoa dark chocolate on Wednesday before realising that I just had to remove all chocolate from my 2 shelves in the pantry, so the 3 remaining blocks that I had waiting for me were promptly thrown out along with the 5 or 6 pieces left from that block I had consumed. We may be allowed a little bit of chocolate on the challenge, but apparently I have zero will power when I'm having a bad week, so it's just best to completely remove it from my diet. I wasn't struggling with hunger like I had been the week before (thank god!), but I had managed to find those crackers at work a few times all the same. I also skipped 2 days of exercise (Wednesday because I was home in bed with a massive headache and Friday because I'd had a difficult day and just wanted to go home).
I had always said I wasn't an emotional eater, and I wholly and soully believed that as well! Last week was definitely an eye opener for me. I had no particular reason to be feeling the way that I was feeling, aside from hormones, which I had also believed was not an issue for me, pfft... apparently I learnt a lot about myself last week! On Friday night, I fell off the wagon and ate turkish bread with dip (a lot of it), although I still managed to keep away from the bottle of wine that my best friend had cracked open. I'd also come to the realisation that I could no longer afford to keep living above my means and had to deal with the fact that I am very very broke and need to start repriotising my life, as I found out I'm going to have to find almost $1700 over the next few months to fix various things on my car (and yes, I still managed to stay away from that bottle of wine!).
I had thought that this challenge would be easy, that I would breeze through. I am learning the hard way that I really knew nothing about myself before now.
Now, onto the positives of last week (surprisingly I managed to find some!). Most importantly, I did not turn to the bottle of wine, that is definitely a positive, as I have managed to remain alcohol free through the challenge so far and am determined to keep it up! I had also discovered the Saturday before that I actually COULD do push ups on my toes, so I have now vowed to never go back to push ups on my knees again, and on the Saturday just past, I successfully did 2 laps of the oval where we do our group training sessions without having to stop and walk. I also pushed myself further than I have at previous sessions and felt great for it afterwards. And, drum roll please, I also discovered that I love almond milk, and when using it in cereals, teas and coffees, I no longer require any sugar! To me, this is possibly the most exciting thing out of the whole week!
So, my goals for this week. Do ALL 6 exercise sesssions (even if I am exhausted and in a foul mood), sort out my finances (because this is pretty much the source of all my bad moods and emotional ups and downs), and deal with the fact that I am always the one organsing to do things with everyone else, but rarely get invited to do stuff (another source of my emotions lately, and not something I want to go into here, but it is something that is causing me to turn to food in a way I had never noticed before... I really just need to stop looking at facebook, because it gives you a glimpse of everyone elses lives and makes you think yours sucks because you're not out partying every weekend, getting married, having babies, travelling the world... blah blah blah).
I will be in Darwin with 2 of my closest friends the weekend of the 4 week challenge, so my best friend and I are going hiking in the Glass House Mountains this Saturday instead, and I am surprised at how excited I am by this! I know I'm going to be sore and sorry on Sunday, but I'm excited! Who knows, it could lead to an exciting new hobby!
Monday, 11 June 2012
Week 2 of the Challenge
I managed to lose a total of a kilo in the first week of the challenge, which I am so happy with! If I can keep that rate of loss up or increase even slightly I will be beyond happy, so now it's just a case of keeping up the level of commitment I have right now and not allow negative comments to bring me down :).
Well, yesterday was the start of the second week on the 12 week challenge. Being a public holiday, I started off with a bang, had a quick bite to eat before racing off to meet a friend at the gym for an hour of cardio, and felt wonderful afterwards. Then I went home and got started on what turned into a mammoth cooking session of epic proportions. Almost 6 hours of cooking later, and I was over the sight of food and suffering back pain and sore legs from standing non stop that entire time. I didn't have the most healthy dinner as I just couldn't muster the energy to eat anything more than a couple of slices of peanut butter on toast, but now I have a freezer that is packed full of goodies and don't have to prepare meals for at least another week and a half!
Today is going to be the real challenge though. I have woken up with a mammoth headache, am in a very grumpy mood and am tired beyond belief. I'll probably have the urge to have a nanna nap come mid afternoon (which won't happen as I am at work, sad to say). I've still got to go to the gym this afternoon to do a body pump class for todays toning session and I know that I'll go as I have pushed myself through this feeling many times lately as winter has set in.
A lot of people have sent me messages of encouragement via facebook when I have obsessively checked in, and today will be one of those days when those words of encouragement are the only reason that I go. The support and encouragement has meant more than a lot of you will ever know and I thank you for that. And if I'm annoying people with the check ins etc, I no longer care, you don't want to see it, hide it, it's quite simple really. I'm doing this for me and I'll be damned if I let others who don't have the same level of motivation or dedication to being the best they can be bring me down! *mini rant ended* don't even know where that came from, must be the exhaustion, but it's also how I feel :)
Well, yesterday was the start of the second week on the 12 week challenge. Being a public holiday, I started off with a bang, had a quick bite to eat before racing off to meet a friend at the gym for an hour of cardio, and felt wonderful afterwards. Then I went home and got started on what turned into a mammoth cooking session of epic proportions. Almost 6 hours of cooking later, and I was over the sight of food and suffering back pain and sore legs from standing non stop that entire time. I didn't have the most healthy dinner as I just couldn't muster the energy to eat anything more than a couple of slices of peanut butter on toast, but now I have a freezer that is packed full of goodies and don't have to prepare meals for at least another week and a half!
Today is going to be the real challenge though. I have woken up with a mammoth headache, am in a very grumpy mood and am tired beyond belief. I'll probably have the urge to have a nanna nap come mid afternoon (which won't happen as I am at work, sad to say). I've still got to go to the gym this afternoon to do a body pump class for todays toning session and I know that I'll go as I have pushed myself through this feeling many times lately as winter has set in.
A lot of people have sent me messages of encouragement via facebook when I have obsessively checked in, and today will be one of those days when those words of encouragement are the only reason that I go. The support and encouragement has meant more than a lot of you will ever know and I thank you for that. And if I'm annoying people with the check ins etc, I no longer care, you don't want to see it, hide it, it's quite simple really. I'm doing this for me and I'll be damned if I let others who don't have the same level of motivation or dedication to being the best they can be bring me down! *mini rant ended* don't even know where that came from, must be the exhaustion, but it's also how I feel :)
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
1st Weigh In!
Yesterday was not a great day for me on the challenge. I managed to get really down on myself because I ate those crackers, and then my workout didn't feel like I'd really accomplished anything, as I completed it quicker than what was laid out in the exercise plan. I still managed not to eat badly last night though, I had the beef and broccolini stir fry which was absolutely delicious and that managed to fill me up even though it looked like a tiny portion.
This morning I struggled to get out of bed, it was cold, dark and quite frankly I just didn't want to get up when that alarm went off. Then I remembered, with a heavy heart, that today was weigh in day, the first of 12 for this challenge. I just knew that those crackers were going to have made me put on at least a kilo. So I did what it says and made sure that I weighed myself after going to the bathroom and just before I got in the shower (in my birthday suit, that was just a bit nippy!). And I looked at the numbers... Looked again. Got off and back on the scales again... Surely that couldn't be right... I had already lost .6kg!
Suddenly the world doesn't seem so hard to face today! I know it's probably not good that my mood hinges on my weight, but I don't care. I have been struggling to get down from the weight that I was sitting on for months, and in 2 days on the challenge I have lost .6kg to bring myself to the lower half of the decade that I am sitting in (I am not going to tell anyone my weight on here, those who know don't believe me, but not ready to shout it out to the world - facebook - just yet, but let's just say I weighed "something" 5.3 on Monday morning and now I'm "something" 4.7).
Thank you Michelle Bridges, you've finally helped me to see that it is possible to get away from "something" 5 without an emotional upheaval that causes me to stop eating! I will lose those 10 kilos I'm aiming for by the end of this challenge and will continue on past that. This is m promise to myself and everyone around me!
This morning I struggled to get out of bed, it was cold, dark and quite frankly I just didn't want to get up when that alarm went off. Then I remembered, with a heavy heart, that today was weigh in day, the first of 12 for this challenge. I just knew that those crackers were going to have made me put on at least a kilo. So I did what it says and made sure that I weighed myself after going to the bathroom and just before I got in the shower (in my birthday suit, that was just a bit nippy!). And I looked at the numbers... Looked again. Got off and back on the scales again... Surely that couldn't be right... I had already lost .6kg!
Suddenly the world doesn't seem so hard to face today! I know it's probably not good that my mood hinges on my weight, but I don't care. I have been struggling to get down from the weight that I was sitting on for months, and in 2 days on the challenge I have lost .6kg to bring myself to the lower half of the decade that I am sitting in (I am not going to tell anyone my weight on here, those who know don't believe me, but not ready to shout it out to the world - facebook - just yet, but let's just say I weighed "something" 5.3 on Monday morning and now I'm "something" 4.7).
Thank you Michelle Bridges, you've finally helped me to see that it is possible to get away from "something" 5 without an emotional upheaval that causes me to stop eating! I will lose those 10 kilos I'm aiming for by the end of this challenge and will continue on past that. This is m promise to myself and everyone around me!
Monday, 4 June 2012
Time to be honest and get real with myself
So, I honestly thought I wouldn't have to do this, that I would be one of those people who started the challenge and realised that I'd actually been doing well before and wouldn't have to adjust... pfft!
Yesterday was OK, although I was absolutely famished before, during and after the gym workout that I did and was concerned that my dinner would not be enough, but I didn't over eat and I didn't give in.
Today however, I was starving by lunch time and pretty much inhaled my turkey wrap. On the front of the meal plan for the turkey wrap it says that it is 333 cals, however, when I was looking over the menu at lunch time, I realised it's actually 265 cals on the recipe, so I got very excited and devoured around 10 crackers... I'm so disappointed in myself as those crackers that are in the office were the one thing I was adamant not to touch once the challenge started, it's only day 2 and I've already cracked
I don't do hunger well, I become grumpy, irritable and not so much fun to be around.
I had thought I'd been eating well before the challenge because I rarely ate chocolate and I don't eat fast food etc... But obviously my portions sizes were much bigger and that is why I wasn't seeing any results.
I think this is my get real moment
I'm back on the wagon now, but my calories are going to be over tonight, good thing I'm off to a body pump class after work, that will make me slightly less guilty!
Yesterday was OK, although I was absolutely famished before, during and after the gym workout that I did and was concerned that my dinner would not be enough, but I didn't over eat and I didn't give in.
Today however, I was starving by lunch time and pretty much inhaled my turkey wrap. On the front of the meal plan for the turkey wrap it says that it is 333 cals, however, when I was looking over the menu at lunch time, I realised it's actually 265 cals on the recipe, so I got very excited and devoured around 10 crackers... I'm so disappointed in myself as those crackers that are in the office were the one thing I was adamant not to touch once the challenge started, it's only day 2 and I've already cracked
I don't do hunger well, I become grumpy, irritable and not so much fun to be around. I had thought I'd been eating well before the challenge because I rarely ate chocolate and I don't eat fast food etc... But obviously my portions sizes were much bigger and that is why I wasn't seeing any results.
I think this is my get real moment
I'm back on the wagon now, but my calories are going to be over tonight, good thing I'm off to a body pump class after work, that will make me slightly less guilty!
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Eating Healthy vs Not Eating Healthy
I have woken up exhausted this morning. Not the best start to the 12 week challenge. But when I look at the crap that I ate over the weekend, is it any wonder that I'm sluggish today?
You read all the time about how eating bad food causes you to have less energy and feel like crap, but until you start eating clean and then have a couple of days of not doing so well, that's when you really notice the difference.
For some reason, when I spend my weekends at home, I tend to want to eat bad food. I know there is probably some psychological explanation, but whatever the reason, I need to work on that. Saturday morning I did my first boot camp to start off my Super Saturday Sessions that are part of the challenge. And as much as it hurt like hell, I felt great afterwards. I went and bought the last of the food I needed to start the challenge (meat and vege etc), and the grocery items I ordered were delivered in the afternoon, which was very exciting. I have planned my weekends out so that I will spend at least some part of every sunday cooking up a storm so that I have all my foods ready for the week. This is to stop me over eating when I get home from the gym and am so hungry that I try to eat more than I should.
Saturday afternoon was fine, I had a bowl of plain popcorn that I popped myself in the machine, and this is a healthy snack, which wasn't so bad. Then Saturday night my sister came over for dinner, so I made Pad Thai from a packet mix. Probably not the healthiest of meals but I don't agree with throwing things out and I had the mix in the cupboard. This was then followed by two small handfuls of m&m's... which was not a good idea as I have not consumed any chocolate since Sydney, and it tasted too rich and made me feel a little ill...
Sunday morning came around and I had decided to start eating from the challenge meal plan as I now had all the food, so I had the Apple Porridge, which ended up being a huge effort to make (do you know how hard it is to grate an apple?! I sure as hell didn't, and it wasn't fun, took way too long and ended up eating cold porridge). Then I started cooking, and it all smelt so good! I cooked up the Beef and Broccolini Stir Fry, the Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup and the Beef Fajitas. I then took a break to sit down cause that all took me 3 hours and I was buggered. In that time I consumed some left over Pad Thai. Then I made my lunches for the week (pretty straight forward, I'm having the turkey wraps 4 days in a row). And for some reason, I decided I just had to use up the last of the cheese in the fridge so I made a pizza for a snack... Really shouldn't have, because then I was not that hungry when it came time to eat my awesome Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup, but I still really wanted those cruskits with jam for a snack later in the evening. I know it doesn't sound that bad, I didn't gourge myself on chocolate or chips, and I didn't have any fast food, but it was enough to leave me feeling like I've been hit by a truck today.
So, I've learnt yet another valuable lesson (2 if you count that it's hard to grate apples!). It's OK to throw out foods rather than eating them just to get them out of the fridge. Bad food effects my body in ways that make it hard to get going in the morning. All those years I thought there was something wrong with me when I was waking up tired when there was just a simple answer... Stop eating CRAP!
The challenge started this morning, my breakfast was the Banana Bruschetta with a cup of tea. Followed by a snack of Light Cruskits with vegemite and a hard boiled egg. I don't feel like this is a challenge at all and I'm loving the food and the exercise. Bring it!
You read all the time about how eating bad food causes you to have less energy and feel like crap, but until you start eating clean and then have a couple of days of not doing so well, that's when you really notice the difference.
For some reason, when I spend my weekends at home, I tend to want to eat bad food. I know there is probably some psychological explanation, but whatever the reason, I need to work on that. Saturday morning I did my first boot camp to start off my Super Saturday Sessions that are part of the challenge. And as much as it hurt like hell, I felt great afterwards. I went and bought the last of the food I needed to start the challenge (meat and vege etc), and the grocery items I ordered were delivered in the afternoon, which was very exciting. I have planned my weekends out so that I will spend at least some part of every sunday cooking up a storm so that I have all my foods ready for the week. This is to stop me over eating when I get home from the gym and am so hungry that I try to eat more than I should.
Saturday afternoon was fine, I had a bowl of plain popcorn that I popped myself in the machine, and this is a healthy snack, which wasn't so bad. Then Saturday night my sister came over for dinner, so I made Pad Thai from a packet mix. Probably not the healthiest of meals but I don't agree with throwing things out and I had the mix in the cupboard. This was then followed by two small handfuls of m&m's... which was not a good idea as I have not consumed any chocolate since Sydney, and it tasted too rich and made me feel a little ill...
Sunday morning came around and I had decided to start eating from the challenge meal plan as I now had all the food, so I had the Apple Porridge, which ended up being a huge effort to make (do you know how hard it is to grate an apple?! I sure as hell didn't, and it wasn't fun, took way too long and ended up eating cold porridge). Then I started cooking, and it all smelt so good! I cooked up the Beef and Broccolini Stir Fry, the Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup and the Beef Fajitas. I then took a break to sit down cause that all took me 3 hours and I was buggered. In that time I consumed some left over Pad Thai. Then I made my lunches for the week (pretty straight forward, I'm having the turkey wraps 4 days in a row). And for some reason, I decided I just had to use up the last of the cheese in the fridge so I made a pizza for a snack... Really shouldn't have, because then I was not that hungry when it came time to eat my awesome Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup, but I still really wanted those cruskits with jam for a snack later in the evening. I know it doesn't sound that bad, I didn't gourge myself on chocolate or chips, and I didn't have any fast food, but it was enough to leave me feeling like I've been hit by a truck today.
So, I've learnt yet another valuable lesson (2 if you count that it's hard to grate apples!). It's OK to throw out foods rather than eating them just to get them out of the fridge. Bad food effects my body in ways that make it hard to get going in the morning. All those years I thought there was something wrong with me when I was waking up tired when there was just a simple answer... Stop eating CRAP!
The challenge started this morning, my breakfast was the Banana Bruschetta with a cup of tea. Followed by a snack of Light Cruskits with vegemite and a hard boiled egg. I don't feel like this is a challenge at all and I'm loving the food and the exercise. Bring it!
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Gearing up to start the challenge!
Well, the past 2 days have been a bit of a struggle.
With the crappy weather and the fact that I have been starving before I even get to the gym, finding the motivation to actually go has been interesting. I think it helps that I have been getting dressed in my gym clothes at work, and I have to pass my gym to get home every night, so I really have no excuse.
It also helps that I am fantastic at making myself feel guilty when I don't go, and also when I eat crap food. I haven't eaten fast food of any kind in 2 months, and although I now very rarely get a craving for Macca's or KFC, the idea of giving in and breaking that fantastic streak is enough to keep me from pulling through the drive through ever again. I also don't miss the sick feeling that either of those give me once I do eat them... They just never taste as good as I think they are going to...
I had yet another one of my "epiphanies" (as I like to call them) yesterday, as I was driving home from the gym. I often have these epiphanies whilst driving. I am constantly amazed that I reach my destinations in one piece really, cause quite often I don't remember how I got there...
Anyway, back to my epiphany. I often get what I call my "hungry days". These are days that, no matter how much I eat, I'm still starving. Yesterday was one of those days. Now, I can never find any pattern, though I always blamed it on hormones, even though they never happen at a particular time in my monthly cycle (sorry boys, didn't mean to bring that up!). The day before I had been reading the Ashy Bines web site and once again, the subject of water came up, and the fact that your body can often mistake dehydration for hunger. I have read this countless times over the years and whilst I took it on board, I never really associated it with how hungry I get, because when I have these hungry days, it's all I can do to stop myself from ripping the pantry apart and gourging myself on everything I can get my hands on (thankfully I have finally developed the common sense not to do this!)... But yesterday, I realised that the reason my stomach was seconds away from eating itself was quite simple... I hadn't consumed more than a glass of water all day! Even when I was at the gym, I had barely drunk any water, as my fantastic Lorna Jane drink bottle has this aggravating screw top that is a pain in the butt to open when you're walking at level 6 on a 9% incline, and given that I was feeling particularly lazy yesterday, that seemed like too much effort...
Now that this has occurred to me, unscrewing that lid will not be such a challenge, because I'd rather that then consuming more food then necessary (and avoiding a dehydration headache in the process). My biggest problem is when I'm at work, as I forget to drink all day (it will often take me at least an hour and a half to drink my morning coffee), so I've set up an hourly reminder in my work email to remind me to drink water. Maybe a little obsessive, but I am dedicated to this weightloss journey I've embarked on, and I'm pretty much trying everything I can to succeed. It's already worked this morning, I'm onto my 3rd glass of water already!
Anyways, enough rambling. Tonight I am off to my last Friday night Zumba class (they have decided that only stay at home mums, old ladies and unemployed people want to do Zumba at my gym, which I am very pissed off about), and tomorrow morning I'm off to a group training session starting at 7am through to 9am, followed by an hour of body pump... Man, I must be crazy... But I'm loving it!
Only 3 more sleeps til the start of Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Challenge!
With the crappy weather and the fact that I have been starving before I even get to the gym, finding the motivation to actually go has been interesting. I think it helps that I have been getting dressed in my gym clothes at work, and I have to pass my gym to get home every night, so I really have no excuse.
It also helps that I am fantastic at making myself feel guilty when I don't go, and also when I eat crap food. I haven't eaten fast food of any kind in 2 months, and although I now very rarely get a craving for Macca's or KFC, the idea of giving in and breaking that fantastic streak is enough to keep me from pulling through the drive through ever again. I also don't miss the sick feeling that either of those give me once I do eat them... They just never taste as good as I think they are going to...
I had yet another one of my "epiphanies" (as I like to call them) yesterday, as I was driving home from the gym. I often have these epiphanies whilst driving. I am constantly amazed that I reach my destinations in one piece really, cause quite often I don't remember how I got there...
Anyway, back to my epiphany. I often get what I call my "hungry days". These are days that, no matter how much I eat, I'm still starving. Yesterday was one of those days. Now, I can never find any pattern, though I always blamed it on hormones, even though they never happen at a particular time in my monthly cycle (sorry boys, didn't mean to bring that up!). The day before I had been reading the Ashy Bines web site and once again, the subject of water came up, and the fact that your body can often mistake dehydration for hunger. I have read this countless times over the years and whilst I took it on board, I never really associated it with how hungry I get, because when I have these hungry days, it's all I can do to stop myself from ripping the pantry apart and gourging myself on everything I can get my hands on (thankfully I have finally developed the common sense not to do this!)... But yesterday, I realised that the reason my stomach was seconds away from eating itself was quite simple... I hadn't consumed more than a glass of water all day! Even when I was at the gym, I had barely drunk any water, as my fantastic Lorna Jane drink bottle has this aggravating screw top that is a pain in the butt to open when you're walking at level 6 on a 9% incline, and given that I was feeling particularly lazy yesterday, that seemed like too much effort...
Now that this has occurred to me, unscrewing that lid will not be such a challenge, because I'd rather that then consuming more food then necessary (and avoiding a dehydration headache in the process). My biggest problem is when I'm at work, as I forget to drink all day (it will often take me at least an hour and a half to drink my morning coffee), so I've set up an hourly reminder in my work email to remind me to drink water. Maybe a little obsessive, but I am dedicated to this weightloss journey I've embarked on, and I'm pretty much trying everything I can to succeed. It's already worked this morning, I'm onto my 3rd glass of water already!
Anyways, enough rambling. Tonight I am off to my last Friday night Zumba class (they have decided that only stay at home mums, old ladies and unemployed people want to do Zumba at my gym, which I am very pissed off about), and tomorrow morning I'm off to a group training session starting at 7am through to 9am, followed by an hour of body pump... Man, I must be crazy... But I'm loving it!
Only 3 more sleeps til the start of Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Challenge!
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Progress so far
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Dry July and August
So, after a particularly nasty episode of drinking on the weekend (the drinking was fun, the aftermath was not!) I have decided that I am going to doe last 8 weeks of the Michelle Bridges 12 week challenge completely alcohol free. This means no glasses of wine on a friday night, no vodka, lime and sodas when I go out, not even one.
To be honest, I'm not sure I can ever look at alcohol the same way after Saturday night's effort. I have never been the type of girl who completely writes herself off, nor have I ever been so drunk that I threw up, and my hang overs are usually confined to a mild headache. Not so on saturday night. I successfully drank about 2/3 of a bottle of vodka, which I mixed with lime and soda. Normally I would have maybe 3 glasses and then I've hit my limit. I have no idea why that did not happen on Saturday night, but I had my first and only experience of drinking to the point of throwing up, having to be be helped to my bed, passing out and then having a mammouth hangover all day Sunday and into this morning - as if Monday mornings weren't painful enough!
I may even make the entire challenge alcohol free, though I have a rather busy month in June, so I'm not sure if that will happen, but I KNOW I will not be getting drunk AT ALL!
The worst part was, even though I barely ate a thing all weekend (which I am assuming is a lot of the reason why I got so drunk), I managed to put on 1/2 a kilo over the 4 days. So this is just another reason not to drink whilst trying to lose weight.
So this week I'm getting back on track. I had spent the past week with my nose buried in a text book for a nightmare exam I had to complete on Thursday, but now I have 5 weeks of no study to get myself back into the swing of it. Part of the requirements of 12 week challenge is working out 6 days a week. As I was already doing it 5 days a week prior to last weeks little hiatus, I'll now be throwing in 2 hours of exercise on saturday mornings instead of having Saturday and Sunday free. So this is my pledge over the next 12 weeks (If I put it out there for everyone to see, I'll be less likely to back down).
Mondays - 1 hour boxing class
Tuesdays - 1 hour body pump class
Wednesdays - 1 hour cardio and core work
Thursdays - 1 hour cardio and weights
Fridays - 1 hour Zumba (probably followed by at least 2 hours of latin dancing in the city)
Saturdays - 1 hour group training session in the park and 1 hour body pump class.
This all starts today people! Watch this space :)
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
My journey so far
I have finally decided to start doing a blog charting my weight loss journey. I've had quite a few people tell me how much my obsessive gym check-ins on facebook and my status updates declaring how I'm going etc are all helping to motivate them to do something themselves, which I think is so awesome ( I just thought I was annoying the crap out of everyone, turns out it's only most people :p ). So I thought, a better way to both help motivate everyone AND keep myself on track is to write about it!
Since October 2011 (when I got back from Europe and looked back at the photos and realised I was not happy with the person looking back at me), I have been on a mission to get back to looking the best that I can.
I'm not doing this for anyone else, or to pick up a man, I am doing this for me, to be able to look in the mirror and not loathe the reflection looking back at me, and to look at photos and wonder who the heck that person is.
Since October I have both started and ended a relationship, gained and lost a few kilos. I am fortunate that when I am stressed or emotional, I don't turn to food (although I do tend to stop eating which is also not great). In January, I bit the bullet and joined Goodlife Healthclubs. I have been a member of a number of different gyms over the years and always stopped going after a few weeks, getting bored and losing motivation. I first started going a couple of afternoons a week after work and on the weekends, sometimes struggling to go for longer than half an hour, other times an hour would fly by whilst I worked my ass off on the treadmill, kicked butt in body combat, lifted weights whilst my muscles screamed at me in body pump and shook my booty in zumba.
In March, I began to get disheartened as although I was doing all of this, I couldn't see any change in my body. Everyone else was saying they could, but I still saw only wobbly bits.
Then in April I finally moved back in with my best friend and began to settle into a routine of doing the gym every night on the way home from work, and realised that just because McDonalds and KFC were around the corner did not mean I had to stop there! I also discovered my obsession with all things Lorna Jane and read her "Move, Nourish, Believe" book in 2 days, and have taken a lot of her words of wisdom to heart.
I went to Sydney at the beginning of May and allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, telling myself it was only for 4 days and I was on holidays! Big mistake, I think I put on around 1 - 2 kilos in those 4 days alone!
But last week, something happened. It's almost as though my body has suddenly realised it had better get into shape because I wasn't going to stop this time. I wasn't going to get disheartened and give up like I have the 5 million other times I have embarked on this journey.
On Saturday I had a bit of a bad day and barely ate. My appetite did not return properly until Tuesday, but I had realised something, call it an epiphany. I looked in the mirror, and instead of seeing the wobbly bits, I started to see the toned parts! I pulled on my trusty work pants and saw, to my amazement, that there is now a whole lot of spare room around my butt and thighs. At first I was a little annoyed that nothing was happening with my waist and hips, until I saw in the mirror that my love handles, which I have had a close, personal relationship for the past 8 years, were almost non-existent! Now, only a week later, those same trusty work pants are so lose around the top that I find myself needing to hold them up for fear they will fall down! And I can pull them off without undoing the zip! It's almost as though this has happened over night!
I signed up to Michelle Bridges 12 week challenge today, and am excited to start that on 4 June 2012. If I can do this well, with this much determination by motivating myself, imagine the results at the end of the 12 weeks! Bring on summer and my bikini body!
Since October 2011 (when I got back from Europe and looked back at the photos and realised I was not happy with the person looking back at me), I have been on a mission to get back to looking the best that I can.
I'm not doing this for anyone else, or to pick up a man, I am doing this for me, to be able to look in the mirror and not loathe the reflection looking back at me, and to look at photos and wonder who the heck that person is.
Since October I have both started and ended a relationship, gained and lost a few kilos. I am fortunate that when I am stressed or emotional, I don't turn to food (although I do tend to stop eating which is also not great). In January, I bit the bullet and joined Goodlife Healthclubs. I have been a member of a number of different gyms over the years and always stopped going after a few weeks, getting bored and losing motivation. I first started going a couple of afternoons a week after work and on the weekends, sometimes struggling to go for longer than half an hour, other times an hour would fly by whilst I worked my ass off on the treadmill, kicked butt in body combat, lifted weights whilst my muscles screamed at me in body pump and shook my booty in zumba.
In March, I began to get disheartened as although I was doing all of this, I couldn't see any change in my body. Everyone else was saying they could, but I still saw only wobbly bits.
Then in April I finally moved back in with my best friend and began to settle into a routine of doing the gym every night on the way home from work, and realised that just because McDonalds and KFC were around the corner did not mean I had to stop there! I also discovered my obsession with all things Lorna Jane and read her "Move, Nourish, Believe" book in 2 days, and have taken a lot of her words of wisdom to heart.
I went to Sydney at the beginning of May and allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, telling myself it was only for 4 days and I was on holidays! Big mistake, I think I put on around 1 - 2 kilos in those 4 days alone!
But last week, something happened. It's almost as though my body has suddenly realised it had better get into shape because I wasn't going to stop this time. I wasn't going to get disheartened and give up like I have the 5 million other times I have embarked on this journey.
On Saturday I had a bit of a bad day and barely ate. My appetite did not return properly until Tuesday, but I had realised something, call it an epiphany. I looked in the mirror, and instead of seeing the wobbly bits, I started to see the toned parts! I pulled on my trusty work pants and saw, to my amazement, that there is now a whole lot of spare room around my butt and thighs. At first I was a little annoyed that nothing was happening with my waist and hips, until I saw in the mirror that my love handles, which I have had a close, personal relationship for the past 8 years, were almost non-existent! Now, only a week later, those same trusty work pants are so lose around the top that I find myself needing to hold them up for fear they will fall down! And I can pull them off without undoing the zip! It's almost as though this has happened over night!
I signed up to Michelle Bridges 12 week challenge today, and am excited to start that on 4 June 2012. If I can do this well, with this much determination by motivating myself, imagine the results at the end of the 12 weeks! Bring on summer and my bikini body!
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