I have had a really really bad couple of days with food. I could give a number of excuses and blame others for tempting me, but I know that I am the only person responsible for putting the crap in my mouth. So, let's start at the beginning.
Week 1 I went really well. I stuck to the food, did my 6 days of exercise and felt great for it... Then it became harder for some reason. I hadn't allowed myself to eat any chocolate for weeks, and I hadn't really missed it, so I figured, I'll get some of the 75% lindt chocolate that was allowed on the challenge.
And so began my slow spiral to tonights melt down.
I have already blogged about that chocolate and how I threw away what little was left as well as the other 3 blocks thinking that would be the end of it. Not so. I was still reaching for those bloody crackers in the afternoon at work. I'd gone back to having a coffee every morning but kept "forgetting" to include that in my calories for each day. My main meals were fine, but it was the snacks that were the problem. Throw in the fact that, after months at the gym, it took just 3 group training sessions to right royally screw my back up, making the gym just that more painful - (Not your fault Tina, I just need to work out what I can and can't do).
I was seeing very small amounts of weight loss on the scales so I could justify the crap I was eating, hearing the words "a little treat isn't bad for you", or "You should indulge yourself every now and again". And every loss counts right?
Fast forward to Saturday. Karen and I went on a bush walk at Mt Tibrogargan, and it was so much fun. I had a healthy breakfast (Avocado Toast with Smoked Salmon), took an apple and curried egg sandwich and burnt around 600 cals whilst doing something I loved, I felt like I had accomplished something. Like it was a turning point. Then I came home and plonked my butt on the couch... and ate at least 15 lindt chocolate balls (80 calories each). I had a glass of wine. Sure, the penang chicken and vegies I had for dinner was off of the Michelle Bridges approved recipes list, but the 2 mini bags of buttered pop corn weren't. I vowed that I wouldn't do it again.
I did it again the next day.
Monday came around, and those damn crackers were literally calling my name from the lunch room. I also had another 4 of the chocolates when I got home. Another vow not to repeat the same mistakes again today...
Not only did I make those mistakes, I surpassed them.
Work has been so stressful the past few weeks as being under staffed has really begun to take its toll on me. My back has been absolutely killing me and my hips have started now, I know I'm going to have to make a trip to my good friend Bec who is also my physiotherapist as I think my pelvis has twisted now :(. This has made it doubly hard at the gym. I still went both yesterday and today but the pain is pretty bad tonight and I probably won't be able to do much until I get back from Darwin and can get to the Physio, which adds to my depression tonight.
I made the mistake of going to the grocery store to buy snack foods after I finished at the gym and was hungry. But see, the pretzels are kept in the chips aisle... One of my worst addictions is Smiths plains potato chips, and I knew, when I took the single packet off the shelf that I was going to regret it. But I still did it. And see, the traffic was shit on the way home, took me 40 minutes to drive from Chermside to North Lakes, which is usually a 20 minute drive, but because it was raining, no one can bloody drive, so there I was, in my car, with pretzels, chips and museli bars. One pack of each later and I was a crying mess, I'd hit bottom, off the wagon.
And I had no one else to blame but myself.
I am going to Darwin this weekend and this is going to be the real challenge. I am NOT going to fall off the wagon again. I still have 2 months left on the challenge. Not only, STILL. I have every opportunity to come back from this. I am almost hoping that when I weigh myself in the morning, I put on weight as a way of telling myself that enough is enough. No more excuses.
I'm back baby, and I'm back for good!
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